20:33
Magic meant to help
you sleep grows
jealous as you
return, as always, to
waking. Each time it
strengthens its hold on
you, coaxing you to
slumber until, one day,
you’ll fail to leave.
Fiction and poetry writing, recapturing the muse.
20:33
Magic meant to help
you sleep grows
jealous as you
return, as always, to
waking. Each time it
strengthens its hold on
you, coaxing you to
slumber until, one day,
you’ll fail to leave.
20:29
Delays now define
your day-to-day
life, more time spent
waiting and hoping,
than actually living.
20:30
You gave me life,
accidentally, but
life all the same,
with the illusion of
safety and love. Fake
feelings spread thin
and snapped, leaving
me alone. Do you
remember me? The
child you couldn’t love.
Or was even that
memory too troublesome
to keep?
20:31
A moment of self-
awareness and realisation
that releases a breath
so uplifting your feet
leave the ground. Tears
of relief and disbelief at
how easy it is to control
the sky.
20:32
A revelation of the
mind is still forced
into the repetition
of the daily grind.
20:28
Left outside, shunned and
forgotten, is a sphere-shaped
walrus, a globe spinning with
no control. Rain trickles
down its smooth surface,
cold stinging skin,
liquid watering eyes, as
stumpy arms fail to thwart it.
Gaia and Terra imprison it,
slowly pushing its helpless body
back and forth, through mud and
sharp stones. It has no grip,
no tread, no way to resist them.
Lights from inside reflect on
its skin, a warmth so close
but unfelt. A man stands
just out of reach, watching.
Round eyes plead to him for
rescue, for his hand to
stop the spinning and simply
rest there on its surface,
to comfort and protect.
The man, unblinking,
shakes his head and
lifts his arms, revealing
two hands made of stone.
20:27
Rain and time are nature’s
weapons, nurturing life outside
your human structure. A well-
tended garden drowns in a
jungle, crawling closer to
your domain. The house
cries out as weeds and trees
grow, piercing and merging
into its brick body.
Misaligned tiles sneak water
from above. Damaged ceilings
drip, drip, drip onto damp carpets,
the scent of abandonment still
lingering in an occupied home.
Futile marks of inhabitation
are foiled as the vines
tap, tap, tap on the windows.
Unwanted life emerges, living
in the walls long before you
claimed the land as yours.
Inside and out are taken,
warriers fighting against
your existence.
Nature vs structure, we
have already won.
20:26
A new person holds the used key,
ready to enter the man-made
structure, built with another’s
memories and dreams. The door
sticks a little, unlocking with
a special jiggle few know. Its
voice is silent, forgotten from
disuse, but the walls still hold
evidence of its hidden personality.
Words are written on its core,
painted over as a treasure hunt,
ready for new adventurers to
uncover and explore. Will the
evidence of previous successors
annoy, or bring an absent-
minded smile to their lips?
Names are carved on windowsills,
claiming an ownership they
no longer have. Did they
used to sit, looking beyond,
while marking their territory?
Were they desperate to be
included in the house’s flesh,
never forgotten, never gone?
Or were they taunted by
the window, craving the
freedom of nature, but
trapped in the structure of man.
I’ve finished two more poems for competitions today (which I won’t post here until after the results have been announced, just in case). It struck me so powerfully, as I was writing them, how much I’ve missed this. For about four years I haven’t been able to write much, and I don’t think I realised how badly it hurt until now. One poem I’ve just written, called ‘Sphere-shaped Emptiness’ has hit me so hard that my heart won’t calm down. I don’t think I’ve ever written a poem that’s affected me so much. It makes no sense, and it might be rubbish, but to me it will always be one of my most memorable writings. I hope I can share it on here one day.
I also realised how much I missed listening to music while writing, and how it stirs my writing soul (so cliche sounding, I know, but I’m in that mood). Not music with lyrics, because that distracts me. For the three poems I’ve written over the last two days I’ve been listening to Erutan’s The Court Of Leaves album, and the Mushishi anime soundtrack.
I think today has really solidified my resolve to never stop writing again, no matter what. I have always loved it, and I always will, whether unpublished forever or not. I’m not my complete self without it, and I just find everyday challenges harder without its relief. So I feel I should say thank you, because without this blog I wouldn’t have had a reason to force myself back into a routine and passion I forgot just how much is a part of me. There’s still twenty-three days until the Creative Writing Masters course open day, so I plan to keep writing and build up a portfolio they can’t say no to when I apply. But if financial status means I can’t go on the course, I’ll focus more on the novelisation of Fallen Wing (as well as this blog, of course).
Finally figured out how to display the categories at the bottom of the main page, so people can actually go to certain topics and posts.
One poem is complete and entered into the York competition. It turned out different from what I thought, and I didn’t use half the theme I was planning, so I can use it in something different instead now. One more poem to go for the January competitions I planned to enter.
20:24
Lists, words,
structure and
form. Drink me
in and pour
your soul
forward, mixing
with ink and
immortalizing
onto the page.
20:25
I’m only visible
in the biting cold,
yet I’m the reason
you can think,
can live.
20:20
Never have I been so
loved in my life,
never have I felt
so alone. Empty
air occupied around
me, filling the space
with loneliness and
self-pity. Yet I am
the lucky one, with
free time to feel
this absence. No
drive, no purpose,
just the same days,
the same emptiness,
the same me.
But where are you?
20:21
A metaphor is a
sarcastic sentence,
there to goad and
sneer at plain
structures with
no extra flare.
Life is exciting?
No! Life is a
rollercoaster.
Heavy rain doesn’t
compare to raining
cats and dogs.
Her heart of gold is
purer than her kind heart.
Be dramatic!
Be remembered!
Be sarcastic.
20:22
Common sense banging
at the glass around
your mind.
20:23
Time of contempt,
no way out with
a moral high ground.
20:19
Secret mission,
excitement and anxiety,
anticipation and dread,
longing for it to be over,
done, so you can
breathe the sweet air
of freedom again.
Will the outcome make
you light, and turn
towards the future?
Or will it weigh you
down, trapping you in
the moment forever?