Motherless

Motherless

Inspired by the painting Motherless by Arthur Stock, 1883

            I often watch her sleeping. Megan can seem so peaceful, so oblivious to the pain she should know. At times I’m grateful my little girl doesn’t feel the loss. She won’t know the pain I feel everyday.

            At times I hate it. My anger grows at the thought our daughter will never remember the one who gave her life. She will never understand how much she would have loved her. It’s not right.

            Motherless. That’s what Megan has become, my motherless child. She will not have an understanding female for her as she begins to grow. She will be alone in the areas I cannot help.

            She shouldn’t have to be motherless.

            I pause a moment, looking away from the new grave towards the baby I hold in one hand, balanced on my knee. Meg’s young eyes are on the plant I am adding to the grave, a delicate yet beautiful red campion, Mary’s favourite. She looks curious but nothing else. Oblivious to sorrow.

            Oblivious, it’s a word I never did like. To call my daughter the word I had cursed at myself so recently.

            I had been oblivious, I had ignored the signs. And Mary? She had just smiled any concerns away. She had wanted to remain oblivious as long as possible. Now our daughters would always remain so. I watch Megan’s curious eyes and smile painfully when a small arm tries to reach out for the campion plant.

            The plant is too far away; she can’t reach.

            I sigh and pat the soil around the plant, securing its place. It was a guardian; a guardian for my wife. My dear Mary.

Here lies:

Mary Johnson

1860-1883

Beloved wife and mother

            Every time I come here I wish to lay the baby on the grave. Just to see what she’d do. Would she cry? Would she not care?

            Would she know? Would she realise who is beneath her?

            Beneath.

            The soil is moist and sticking to me, but I don’t care. I just want to lay here beside Mary’s grave. Maybe if I want it enough we will sink into the ground and lay beside her, no longer breathing. But if I did that you would hate me for not living. I have to live; I have to do more than just breathe. Our daughter has to live.

            If we had all died then we would be together, we wouldn’t be oblivious or hurt. We would not be at all.

            The baby grabbed the plant pot nearby, the one I had planned to plant on the grave next. A simple poppy. Her little grip tightens, tries to pull it closer.

            It tips over.

            Megan begins to cry.

            I smile. I watch her little face scrunch up in displeasure and I smile. Perhaps she is not oblivious after all. Perhaps she understood.

Meg didn’t understand the reason for it. Every time she mentioned that her mother was dead everyone became cautious around her. She didn’t understand why they felt so sorry for her, why they thought she was missing out on something important.

            Her father was all she needed. He was kind and loving. He was always there for her. Why did they pity her for being motherless?

            “It will start happening soon.” Sarah whispered with a giggle. “Every girl goes through it in order to become a woman. My mother explained it all to me.”

            They were all twelve years old, on the brink of puberty and womanhood. Meg had heard none of this before, this bleeding that would symbolise when she became a woman. Why hadn’t her father warned her about it? Perhaps it was something only women knew of.

            “Does it hurt?” Another girl asked. Meg continued to listen, feeling ill. Why had she never heard of this before? It scared her, knowing that she had been ignorant of this for so long.

            For the first time Meg began to understand.

“Father.” Meg began, playing with her food. How could she ask? It wasn’t proper, it wasn’t dignified.

            “Yes, princess?” He always called her that, rarely by her real name. She’d never thought much on it before. Now she realised. Her mother’s name had been Mary. Mary and Megan.

            “Is it true that to reach womanhood I’ll begin bleeding down…” She stopped, too embarrassed to continue.

            She no longer played with her food, merely stared at it red faced. 

            “It’s something every woman goes through.” He coughed, clearly uncomfortable. “Perhaps you should talk to your friends about it.”

            The moment she was alone in her room her tears were free, her choking fear obvious.

            Meg had never realised why they pitied her. Now she knew.

            She was motherless.

It was a peaceful area. Secluded. The beautiful lesser knapweed and ox-eye daisies always made her smile, flowers that complimented the other in the strangest way. It made her see something other than a graveyard.

            The air smelt crisp and fresh, a clear sense of damp leaves. It was autumn and rain had fallen the night before making it hard for her to sit as usually she would.

            Meg was a young woman now, sixteen in body but mature for her age. She had grown on her own, worked out alone how puberty was to be approached and endured. Her clothes were dignified how her class but not overly showy. Her dress was a light brown, flaring out towards the bottom to add a unique look. The small brown jacket she wore matched the style, but did not prevent the colds seeping into her limbs.

            Her father didn’t understand it. When she’d cried out in pain each month he’d panicked and called for a doctor. When Meg became ill-tempered for no real reason he had demanded respect from her, both his daughter and a woman.

            They had begun to drift apart and she hated it. She spent more time at dinner parties with her friends. She spent more time here, with the mother she had never met.

            “I saw him again today,” Meg confessed. She had removed her fashionable bag and sat on it to protect against the damp floor. She wasn’t going to let the weather prevent her from staying. “He made me laugh. He’s so kind. I want to see him more but..” She sighed, a hand running through her hair in frustration. “I just don’t know. Sarah believes I should wait to see what happens. It’s the decent thing to do. I just wish I knew what to do. I wish I had a mother to talk to.”

            “Megan?” A voice spoke up. Meg looked up to see her there, a plant pot in one hand.

            The dampness of her bag had seeped into her clothes.

            “F-father? Did you..?” She bent her head in humiliation. She heard him shuffle his feet.

            “I couldn’t help but overhear.” He confessed, bending down and carefully using a tool to make a hole on the grave. “It makes me happy to hear. My little princess had grown up.”

            She understood him then. Meg burst into helpless tears. Her father just smiled as he carefully took the plant from the pot and placed it into its new home. A new guardian.

            “I remember when I first met Mary. It was at a dinner party of my cousin. She seemed so quiet and alone, I felt sorry for her. But when I began to talk to her I realised she had a strong spirit. She was an amazing woman. I wanted to meet her again because I knew, I knew she would make me happy.”

            “But how? How did you meet her again?”
            Rain had begun to fall as he spoke but she barely noticed. The two just stared at the gravestone, tracing the name with their eyes while their thoughts wandered.

            Her father pulled her up and wrapped his coat around her before smiling.

            “I organised my own dinner party.”

            Her bag was left behind, forgotten.

A tired smile was clear on Meg’s face as she approached the grave, a baby girl nestled comfortably in her arms.

            “Someone came to meet you.” She spoke softly, looking down at her sleeping daughter. “If only we both really could.”

            Her husband joined her a moment, kissed her briefly to show support before offering her privacy. His actions made Meg love him all the more.

            “I understand so much now, only now when I became a mother myself. All that time I never realised how much you must have loved me. I couldn’t imagine knowing I was going to die and would never be able to know my child. Knowing she’d be motherless.”

            She smiled sadly through her tears, gazing at her tiny daughter. She couldn’t imagine it. And thankfully she’d never have to experience it.

            “You’re late.” She teased her father lightly. He just laughed and cooed at his granddaughter .

            “Who’s this little princess?”

            Meg smiled at him, at her baby and at the grave of her mother, Mary.

            “Megumi. Her name is Megumi.” 

Key

Key

It took me a month to finish the painting. The image came from a dream. A house, a family, peering out from a window while a girl looked in from outside. She held an uncut key in one hand and a nail file in the other. She was trying to shape the key, filing it down to a blunt point. She wouldn’t stop trying.

            I knew I should have said no when the college wanted to display it. I’d hated the thing as soon as I’d finished it. It showed something I didn’t want to see.

            My older sister Saya had hung it in the living room. I took it down and let the college display it.

            “Kyo!”

I looked from my desk and to the classmate. I’m surprised she knew my name; I didn’t know hers.

“There’s some guy waiting in the hallway for you.”

            He was leaning against the wall, a lazy smile set on his face. I had the urge to run.

            “Hi! I’m Fane. I take landscape architecture here.” He stared in a way that made me uncomfortable. “Japanese?”

            I nodded, reluctant. It was pretty obvious. 

            “I saw your drawing near the reception.”

“So?”

“What does it mean to you?”

            “That’s none of your business.”

            He stared at me with blue eyes, “Your name is Key, right? I collect keys.”

            I stormed back into the classroom. He didn’t follow me.

***

I hated mobile phones; they were noisy and drew too much attention to the user. My older brother Akio had given me one as parting gift when I moved to England with Saya. It had never rung. I’d never heard Fane’s ring either.

            “You never wear skirts,” he said as he chewed his lunch.

            It had become a routine. I would eat my lunch in a vacant area at the college and he would find me. I’d given up on making him leave.

            “It’s too cold here. Pervert.”

            “Is Key scared of me?”

            “It’s Kyo!”

            “The girl in the painting was scared too. She was so scared she couldn’t stop trying to shape the key. Was it because she was outside or because she couldn’t decide if she wanted to get in?”

            “It’s just a painting.”

            He watched as I finished eating. “I want to be a landscape architect,” He pulled out a bunch of keys from his bag, searching through them with his fingers. “But my hobby is collecting keys.” He held one up, its end blunted and useless. “This was the first.”

            It looked like a car key. I scanned the others in his hand; they were undamaged.

            “It’s my twentieth birthday next week. Will you come out drinking with me?” He moved closer, one hand resting on my arm. “I want to pick at you more.”

            “I’m only seventeen.” His hand was gentle; I couldn’t bring myself to pull away.

            “I’ll get you in, don’t worry.” He smiled, his eyes looked sincere. “Stay outside with me.”

***

The late night air was helping to clear my head. I hadn’t drunk much. My bare legs were cold. It reminded me of home at winter, when I would stay up late to serve tea and snacks to my brother Akio as he worked until dawn.

            I had left the mobile behind when Fane came to pick me up. Saya’s smile at his appearance made me uncomfortable. Especially when she saw I was wearing a skirt.

            “Where are we going?” I asked the drunken Fane.

            He was stumbling on ahead of me, laughing to himself. “My flat! You live with your sister and I doubt she wants you to come back drunk. You’ll have to share my room. Mum’s back from the hospital.”

            I tried not to think about what Saya would think when she realised I’d spent the night. “What was wrong with your mother?”

            “Key shouldn’t go in her room. You shouldn’t be the first to go in the kitchen in the morning either. You might get scared.”

            We came to a halt. Fane crashed into a garden bush and snorted before leaning on a house wall. “Silly people putting a bush there. If I’d designed this place I wouldn’t have done that.”

            “Why do you want to be a landscape architect?”

            He rummaged in his coat pocket, trying to pull out his keys. They landed a few feet away. “All the keys are running from me!” He dropped onto the floor. He looked pale, the moonlight making his hair look white.

            I moved away, bending down to pick up his keys.

            “I want to control Mother Nature,” Fane said.

            “What?”

            He stared at me, his eyes serious.

            “Mother Nature is a bitch. Why should she be the only one to create beautiful things?” The grin was back. “Gardens, silly girl, I want to design gardens!”

            A light flickered on inside the flat. The door swung open.

            “Ryan, are you drunk again?” asked a woman. She was in her late thirties dressed in a black dressing gown. Her eye and hair colour matched Fane’s. She neither smiled nor frowned. I wondered if her skin would feel cold.

            “Mum, you’re still here?”

            The woman turned back into the flat, her footsteps fading. She hadn’t noticed me.

            “Come on in! I have a sleeping bag you can use.”

I helped him to his feet, letting him lean on me, trying to steady his shaking body. I frowned but didn’t say anything, half dragging him into the flat’s corridor and closing the door.

            The flat was dark and bare; the walls a cream white that had been splashed with red.

            Fane grabbed the door handle of the nearest room and stumbled inside. The room was nothing special. It was small and plain with pale blue walls. Somehow I thought it would be different. The only thing that stuck out was a sketch of a garden design stuck low on the wall opposite the bed.

            “Here you go!” He flung a sleeping bag at me and collapsed on his bed, face down.

            “Your mother called you Ryan.”

            He lifted his head to answer. “Fane means joyous.”

            There was a small bookshelf, a photo resting on top. It was of Fane as an early teen with someone his double. One of them stood there while the other had his arms flung around his brother, smiling. I guessed that one was Fane, no, Ryan. His smile was real.

            Fane was mumbling to himself.

            “Does your brother live here?”

            The mumbling stopped, replaced with a sigh as he buried his face further into his bed. “He went away.”

***

I was an early riser, a habit I’d grown up with. Breakfast at six when Akio was finally asleep and then time to sketch.

            He had warned me not to go in the kitchen first.

            Fane’s mother lay on the floor, staring towards the window. Her bleeding wrists cradled each other, held against her chest. She was still wearing the black dressing gown, its long sleeves pushed up and exposing bare white arms. Her hair rested in the blood on the tiles, both sides of it stained. She must have deliberately turned her head to do it.

            “James?” Her voice was weak. She was still looking towards the window.

            I stumbled back and hit the wall near the door, wincing. I looked around for a phone. “Fane! Wake up!” I was out of the kitchen, moving towards his mother’s room.

            No phone.

            “Where’s the phone?”

            “Why?” Fane asked, stumbling out of his room. He took in my appearance and turned to enter the kitchen. “You don’t waste any time, do you Mum?”

            “Where’s your mobile?”

            “Stupid woman! Why in the kitchen? Can’t you ever slash your wrists in bed and pretend to look peaceful? Is it too much to ask?”

            “Fane!” I grabbed him, shaking him. “She needs an ambulance!”

            “Why bother? Let her get it over with. It’s too tiring.”

            I stared at him.

            He smiled.

            “Get the phone if you want, but she’ll only do it again. Am I supposed to care every time she does it?”

            I found his phone under his bed. He was eating toast when the paramedics arrived, still in his pyjamas. They glared at him but said nothing as they took her away. I watched them leave.

            “You had to see this, Kyo. We have to be careful that doesn’t happen to us.”

***

I’d almost refused when he dragged me out of the flat, but I knew we should see how his mother was. I hadn’t expected this.

            “Why are we here?” I looked at the small park we were in, seeing only a swing set, a small slide and a chalked hopscotch on the ground. I could hear cars from the road close by.

            Fane sat on the graffitied swing. He began swaying. “Don’t you want some fresh air? The flat stinks of blood.”

            “Why aren’t we going to the hospital?”

            “You have to wait around there. People should never stay still.” He began to swing higher, back and forth. His laugh made me jump. “I just realised! Our old house had the phone in the kitchen. No wonder she goes in there.”

            “What?”

            He was a blur as he swung past. “She answered the phone that day.” Fane’s hands released the chains holding the swing in place, staying on by tensing his legs. “And I was waiting in this park for him to come get me.”

            “James can have her! He was the good one she loved, the quiet one. I used to talk for the both of us. He was my shadow around other people. I was the one who went out past curfew. That night I was here, beaten up by some secondary school students. I called James. Mum wasn’t there so he took her keys to come get me, even though he was too young to drive. I waited all night.”

He sighed and my hands curled up into fists.

            “I don’t want to live like her! I miss him, I do, but I can’t stay outside it all. We have to decide. Now!” He swung his legs up and fell out of the swing a few feet away. He began running the moment he touched the ground. I sprinted after him.

            I grabbed his arm and yanked him back before he could step off the pavement. A car horn sounded and then drove on.

            “It must have hurt,” he whispered.

            I couldn’t say anything, only gripped his arm tighter. Despite his strange personality I didn’t want him to disappear. I didn’t want my decisions to force us apart; not like Akio. “Come on, let’s go.” I carefully released my grip.

            “What?”

            “You can’t go back to the flat yet, and there’s no way I’m letting you go off on your own. You can stay with Saya and me for a while.”

            Fane stared at me before giving a little smile.

            I didn’t want him to die.

            “Why? Is Key going to save me?”

            I grabbed his hand.

Bound to Hate

(I wrote this ten years ago while at university. It has very graphic rape scenes in, so please don’t read if it disturbs you too much. At the time my sister was a volunteer with a rape helpline, and I did a lot of research for this story to be as shocking and realistic as possible.)

Bound to Hate

25th March 2004

Dear rapist,

My earliest memory is of you. Your voice through the bedroom wall demanding my mother to behave and suck your cock. She would gasp, but never scream. You would grunt a lot.

            When I was twelve something different happened.

            “Remember your promise, Glenna-chan,” you said.

            “I know, but I’m exhausted!”

            There was a loud thud from your room, then footsteps.

            “Yuri, darling, are you awake?” You opened my door, peered in, then strode towards the bed and grabbed my arm.

            “Let go of her!” Mum screamed, running into the room.

            “Remember what I told you in the hospital, Glenna-chan. If I don’t get it from you, I will come in here.”

            I had started crying. Just like the incident two years before, all I could do was cry.

            And all my mother could do was obey.

February 2nd, 1988. Tokyo, Japan

Ever since she had first visited her friend’s home three years ago, she had known him as Haruka’s older brother. Glenna would often be invited to their house for dinner and he’d be at the table with them. His work suit was immaculate but his table manners were awful.

            “Glenna-chan, please pass the soy sauce.” He commanded, his noodles hanging half-way to his mouth, one falling off and splashing into his ramen bowl.

            “Soy sauce on noodles?” She scoffed, passing it. His hand closed around her fingers a moment before taking the bottle from her. His eyes never left hers.

            Glenna watched him set the soy sauce next to his bowl, but he never used it. His eyes stayed fixed on her.

            Haruka finished her ramen at last, eating the last piece of fish cake, and Glenna held back a sigh of relief when her friend grabbed her schoolbag to go upstairs.

            He was still watching when they left the room.

            “Damn, I forgot to take that book back,” Haruka sighed, digging around in her bag and pulling it out.

            “You can still make it before the library closes,” Glenna said, not looking up from her English homework. She found she memorised the language better when sitting on the floor, book in lap. She would hunch over to read, then sit up and close her eyes before repeating the sentences out loud.

            Glenna found this technique worked better at Haruka’s house, sat on her lavender-carpeted floor. The sliding door was covered with butterfly cut-outs, while the walls were decorated with unicorn and forest paintings. Beneath them was the hint of lavender paint. The bed was a single, with a dream catcher hanging from the ceiling above it. The other side of the room housed the heated low-table, it’s heavy blanket folded neat and out of the way.

            “Aren’t you coming?” Haruka whined, stuffing the book back in her school bag.

            “Masahiro will be there. I wouldn’t want to be a third wheel.” Glenna laughed, looking up to see her friend’s red face.

            “Just stay in here then. Mum and Dad are out but they’ll be back in half an hour. I don’t want them knowing anything, so I’ll come back before that.”

            “Fine, I’ll finish this English work. We can start our geometry under the kotatsu when you get back. I’m freezing.”

            “If you love it so much why don’t you get your own?”

            “Father thinks they’re too self-indulgent and promote laziness. Hurry up and go flirt so I can steal your heated table!”

             Five minutes after Haruka had left the house her brother peered into the room.

            “Glenna-chan, all alone?”

            She glared at him. “Don’t call me that; I’m not a little kid.”

            “No, sixteen now aren’t you?” He stalked into the room and set himself down next to her. “A young woman.”

            His eyes roamed over her school uniform, a white blouse with a green skirt. His hand gripped her bare leg, and slid up to her outer thigh.

            “What the hell are you doing!” Glenna screamed, pushing him away.

            His grip on her leg tightened enough to bruise the flesh. “I’ve been watching you for years now, waiting for your body to blossom.”

            He pushed her down on top of her books. She kicked out at him with her free leg and her arms, trying to prevent him from straddling her. His grip on her leg moved, instead he grabbed her long hair, his fingers scraping her scalp. Her mouth was half open to scream, but a punch cut her lip and shocked her into silence.

            “Be quiet now. It is time I claimed my property.”

            He’d ripped off her blouse before she’d recovered enough to struggle. One of his hands groped at her breasts through her bra, while the other went back to her leg, reaching to pull at her pants.

            Glenna grabbed her English book and swung at him, smacking him across the face. The collision made him drop off her, cursing. She kicked him in the stomach then scrambled to her feet and ran to the door.

            She’d made it into the hallway before his body slammed into her. Her right shoulder collided with the wall. She winced at the painful position while his vice-grip grabbed her left shoulder, forcing her body to face him and pinning her wrists by pressing them into the wall.

            “I won’t let you go.” His breath was hot on her face; his skin so close she could see small blackheads.

            “Get off me!”

            His body was pressed against her. She barely had room to kick at his shin. He retaliated by punching the side of her face, dragging her back to the room and throwing her on the bed.

            Another slap as he climbed on top of her. With one hand clamped around her throat, he squeezed so hard she could only take shallow breaths. Glenna focused on her breathing.

            He slid off her white pants.

            Breathe in. The pop of a button, the scraping of a zipper.

            Breathe out. The ruffling of clothes and the slump of boxers hitting the floor.

            His hand let go of her throat. She took in air and coughed, feeling something on her inner thigh. It was warm but hard, poking at her skin and rubbing against her pubic hair. Then it steadied its course and pushed, forcing her insides to stretch so it could invade.

            She felt like part of her was being ripped. All she could do was scream.

***

25th March 2004

Dear rapist,

I walked in on that incident when I was ten. I’d come home from school as normal, and you were there. Why had you come home early from Grandfather’s company? I suppose it doesn’t matter.

            You were in the living room, on the dark red mat I used to love laying on because it was so soft and fluffy.

            You were saddled naked on Mum’s chest. Your arms reached behind you to stop her legs kicking. Your legs were on either side of her body, pressing down and trapping her arms. You were waving your male thing in her face, trying to aim it at her closed mouth.

            “Open up Glenna-chan. It’s your job to ease my stress.” One of your hands let go of a leg. She kneed your back.

            I wanted to make a noise when you punched her nose. I should have been louder coming in. Maybe you would have stopped. She wouldn’t have needed to open her mouth to breathe and I wouldn’t have seen you shove your thing in her mouth.

            And Mum wouldn’t have noticed me watching. Unable to stop watching.

            Her eyes were so full of shame I started crying. Huge ugly sobs.

            “You fucking bitch!” You yelled, springing off her. Blood was coming out of your thing. There was blood on her mouth too.

            “It’s okay sweetie, it’s okay.” Mum took me in her arms, shielding me from you.

            All I could do was cry in my ugly way while you hit her. All I could do was stay with Aunt Haruka, a brilliant and dedicated lawyer, while you were both in hospital.

            It’s okay, she’d said then. She still says it.

February 2nd, 1988. Tokyo, Japan.

Glenna had felt an ice cold calm possess her, locking up all emotion and letting her form rational thoughts. Even if he was still banging into her body.

            Her gaze was fixed to the door as he grunted on top of her, hearing the slap of his balls hitting her flesh everytime he impaled her. The pain didn’t register anymore.

            There was a sound of sliding doors opening. The man grunted his release, his sticky substance filling her and dribbling out, staining the lavender covers.

            “We’re back!”

            Glenna shoved at him, rolling off the bed and running into the hallway to the entrance hall. She heard two gasps as she flung herself behind Haruka’s parents.

            “Please keep him away!” She gripped onto the back of Miko-san’s            coat, resting her swollen face on its fabric.

            “What an earth happened here?” Sorata-san looked up to see his son walk into the entrance, his suit changed and immaculate.

            “Glenna-chan and I were just having some fun.”

            “Fun? Look at her face! What did you do?”

            “I made her mine.” He grabbed his shoes and placed them on, calm. “When she’s ready to continue, she can come find me in my new place.”

            “You’re certainly not welcome here anymore! How could I have raised such a son!”

            “See you soon, Glenna-chan,” he grinned, leaving.

            The entrance hall was silent after the front door slid closed. Sorata-san ran a hand through his hair, letting out a shaky breath.

            “Glenna, I’m so-”

            “Can you call my father? Mum will be out with her sewing group.”

            “O-of course! I’ll call him right away.”

            “You need to call his work number. The company got an increase in shipping orders and he has to do overtime, sort out the administrational side.”

            “Yes, of course.”

            Miko-san tried to turn and face Glenna, but she stubbornly held her grip on the back of the coat. The ice calm was still there, and she needed it to stay.

            “I don’t need your comfort or pity.” 

Haruka arrived back with a serene smile on her face that was quickly wiped away.

            “Glenna? Oh God, what happened?”

            Her friend was stood in the living room, her face a bloody mess, her school uniform ripped with dried semen staining the skirt. A glazed look was on her face, but it changed when she looked into her friend’s eyes.

            “I-I…” She stuttered, her entire body trembling. “I n-need to go to the hospital. P-preserve the evidence.”

            Haruka dropped her school bag and flung her arms around her friend, trying to calm the violent shaking. Her own eyes were filled with tears, and her sob-filled voice repeated empty promises that everything was going to be okay.

***

25th March 2004

Dear rapist,

When I turned fourteen our teachers gave a brief talk. Sex was something between people in love, reserved for married life.

            Some of the boys boasted about conquests that never happened, describing things I knew were wrong. A little boy’s penis would never be that big, and if it had been, the girl would only be in  pain.

            Hiko-kun was ridiculed because he didn’t make up any conquests. He seemed shy, honest. I think I liked him. I wanted to show him that.

            We went behind the bushes in the park after school.

            “You wanted to tell me something, Yuri-san?”

            I smiled and kissed him. I wasn’t sure what to do with my tongue so I shoved it in and out of his mouth a few times. He didn’t like it at first, so I made it gentler and slower.

            He was a sweet boy.

            I straddled him like you do to Mum and rubbed against his thing, up and down. It seemed to work even through his trousers. It was coming to life and he was making moaning, gasping noises. His face kept making the strangest expressions, like he was in pain but enjoying it.

            So why did he keep telling me to stop? He obviously liked it, why was he crying? Why wouldn’t he look at me after he’d screamed and gone soft again? Didn’t he like me?

            He avoided me after that. He even changed to a different class.

            Did I rape him?

            Am I like you?

***

April 20th 1988. Tokyo, Japan.

The hospital trip had been useless. The examination was painful, the examiner judgemental, and the police that came to get Glenna’s statement never contacted them again.

            Glenna’s father had distanced himself from the whole ordeal. He’d not come to the hospital, but had waited for Haruka’s parents to bring Glenna home, where he told her to clean herself up and forget about it.

            “I don’t know what happened, but it’s over now. It was just bad luck, let’s not have it drag our family name through mud.”

            He had only spoken about it again when she’d told him she was two months late.

            “This is a disaster,” he growled, while his chopsticks picked at his rice.

            Her mother stayed silent, her shaking hands scooping out Glenna’s portion of rice.

            “She’ll have to marry him,” he said, standing.

            “I will never-”

            “You will!”

            Her mother sighed, shaking her head.

            “I’m sorry Glenna, but a baby changes everything. It’s you and that child which will suffer if you don’t. Think of what people will call it, how society will treat it.”

            “I’ll give that bastard a job, seen as he’s unemployed. He’ll become respectable soon enough.” Her father huffed, standing up.

            Glenna just stared down, her hand moving towards her stomach.

            For my child.

October 10th, 1988, Tokyo, Japan.

His forceful thrusting deep inside meant he kept hitting her bulging belly, and she winced each time.

            “Be careful! My baby -”

            He answered by delivering a painful punch to her abdomen. Each time he thrusted into her, his fist would connect.

            “Stop it!”

            He groaned out his release, grinning at her panicked tears.

            “I’ll make you a promise, Glenna-chan.” He heaved himself off her and collapsed on his left side of the bed. “I will never touch our child if you always obey me. Always.”

            Glenna glared at his back, but turned away to stroke her stomach.

            For my child.

June 13th 1998. Tokyo, Japan.

Sometimes Glena really did forget how her daughter had come to be. If only she was a strong enough mother to protect her.

            “Don’t even think about it, Glenna-chan,” he growled from his hospital bed.

            Glenna’s injuries from the beating were painful, but she wasn’t letting them stop her.

            “What can you do?” she mocked, “they won’t let you leave here yet with your injury, and I won’t let this continue now that Yuri knows. I won’t ruin her life like that.”

            “If you run, I’ll find you, I’ll drag you both back. You are my wife, and by law I’ve done nothing wrong. If you try, I’ll end our little promise. I will acknowledge our daughter. She does look beautiful like you, after all -”

            “Don’t you dare touch her!”

            “I will drag you back, and I will have you both. Stay, and I will leave her alone. Your choice, Glenna-chan.”

            Her hand tightened into a fist.

            “Now sit down, Glenna-chan. Stay by your husband’s side.”

            Sometimes Glenna could forget how her daughter was conceived. But his presence would always remind her.

25th March 2004

Dear rapist,

Did you know a lot of adult movies have a rape plot? It’s true, our humble Japanese society has twisted views of pleasant sex for women.

            I stole it from the video store. After what happened with Hiko-kun I wanted to know what type of actions men like in sex.

            The woman got drunk, the man took advantage. She was too drunk to say no and he was too horny to be considerate.

            If that’s what it should be like, I never want to be with someone.

            And I will never get drunk.

***

August 30th 2003. Tokyo, Japan.

Glenna was sat at the kotatsu, reading. Yuri couldn’t translate the title, except ‘The’. She had never been good at English.

            Yuri didn’t say anything, choosing to stay in the doorway with the door half-open, peering in. It was a rare sight to see her mother so peaceful.

            The sound of the door sliding the rest of the way open made Glenna look up, smiling. Another rare sight.

            “Welcome home,” Glenna said.

            Yuri sat down beside her, a comfortable silence between them. She emptied her school bag, placing her books in one pile.

            “What are you reading?” Yuri asked.

            “An American book. It’s called The Color Purple.”

            “What’s it about?”

            “A woman who was raped by her father, and then forced to marry a man she didn’t know. But it ends well.”

            “How?”

            “She decides she’s a lesbian and leaves him.”

            They looked at each other and laughed.

            “No men? Why didn’t we think of that!” Yuri laughed.

            “What’s this?” Glenna picked up a sheet from Yuri’s school pile. “Application for Murasakino High School? Isn’t that in Kyoto?”

            “Yes, I want us to move there.”

            “I’m not sure he -”

            “Not him, just us!”

            “It wouldn’t work, he’d find us.”

            “Then we should report him.”

            “The police won’t do anything. We’re married, he can do anything he wants.”

            “I’ll apply anyway. Just in case.”

            Glenna smiled at that, hugging her close.

25th March 2004

Dear rapist,

I sometimes wonder what kind of person Mum was before you changed her life. I know she likes reading in English, perhaps she wanted to visit England or America? Did she have a secret dream to be a translator?

            I want to know these things. I want to give Mum the chance to be herself again.

            In case you do not know, a legislation was made, allowing women to seek restraining orders against husbands who inflict sexual abuse. Aunt Haruka worked hard to make it possible. By the time you read this letter, we will be gone. You can come find us, but we will never come back. We have Aunt Haruka protecting us, my grandparents, Miko-san and Sorata-san, and the changing attitude in our society. People won’t stand by and do nothing. The laws will change, so you can’t hurt us anymore.

No longer your daughter,

Yuri.

Poem ideas

19:89

A pre-mix ready for

you, easy to present

and delightful to prepare…

But taste will be bland

and satisfaction lacking.

19:90

Feed the animals,

feed yourself,

feed the car,

feed the house.

It all takes

money, yet people

say it doesn’t

bring you happiness.

How happy would

you feel, sitting

there on the street,

starving and freezing

to death?

19:91

Killing me through

your ignorance,

feeding me poison

that tastes good

for you. I am

not what you

think I am.

Accept that,

or watch me

die, choking

on your

good intentions.

19:92

Change the order,

ruffle up the routine,

does it add

some excitement?

Or do your eyes

still glaze over

with boredom?

Random lines/poem idea

19:81

Friendship formed

through broken stories.

19:82

A positive overwhelm.

19:83

Be the people we

deserve to be.

19:84

The wrong picture

of reality.

19:85

Sadness handled

with dignity.

19:86

Sitting on a

truth you won’t

look at directly.

19:87

You pull to yourself

the lessons you need

to learn, the true

meaning of karma.

19:88

Death watches life

on your shoulder,

observing an existence

it can never understand.

Poem ideas

19:75

Pocket full of calm

in a world of chaos,

resting in their arms

and nestled in

their heart.

19:76

Festive cheer crushed

by the daily grind.

Trying to re-surface

and experience the

joy, but exhaustion

and work demands

sap the magic away.

They will not win.

19:77

Life under my

protection, can

I save you? Can

I shape you? Or

can I only watch,

helpless, as you

forge your own

path, to the end

of all things?

19:78

A world created, but

not discovered by

anyone but its

maker. Others too

preoccupied to explore

any land but

their own.

How will we

ever know each

other, living so

separately, in

our imagination?

19:79

Day gives way to

the night.

19:80

Drifting or pulling

away from me…

Rant (maybe future poem?)

(This is more of a rant then a poem, but I’d like to eventually polish it.)

19:74

How to cure doormat

status when the

thought of starting

a conversation fills

you with dread

and anxiety?

Asking a question

with significance

leads you short of

breath and eyes

watering. Written

notes are easier,

with constant

worrying on how

they’ll be received.

But they are regarded

as less important

than verbal requests,

and dismissed.

Even with the one

I love and trust the

most, there are

questions I daren’t

ask, my mind too

full of scenarios

it could lead to

where I lose him

forever, despite the

endless love and

devotion he shows

everyday. Why?

How? I don’t understand

why he can love someone

like me.

Poem ideas

19:70

Page filled with

ink, forming a

personality. Colour

bringing quirks and

endearments. Life

created and admired.

In years to come,

is it kept safe and

treasured in a drawer?

Or forgotten and discarded

in the rain?

19:71

Basking in my self-indulgent defeat.

19:72

Favouritism and priority,

first come first served,

an illusion.

19:73

Life as a doormat,

no requests considered,

no opinions wanted.

Emotions? Surely not,

doormats are there to

take other people’s dirt,

and quietly thank them

for the acknowledgement that

they sometimes exist.

Poem ideas

19:64

Dull, aching cave,

with ricochets

of regret bouncing

back and forth,

for all eternity.

19:65

Endless loop with

tasks to complete,

but no motivation to

start. Self-jeopardy

as time continues,

but you still won’t

move or try.

19:66

Craving some acknowledgement

for the unique talent

I possess. Is it separate

from the rest of me?

A secret no one cares

about to unlock.

Silent, silent. Continue

on being the surface

you, the other, better

side does not exist,

to those who should

love you most.

19:67

Scratching at my

eyeballs, an itch

that won’t be

satisfied unless

they close

forever.

19:68

Resignation to

despair, too

tired to feel the

true panic

bubbling beneath.

19:69

Succumb to your

deprived nature

and listen to the

screams.

Fallen Wing Anime Script: OVA (Five Years Later)

Fallen Wing

OVA: Five Years Later

[Scene opens to view of empty Tempit throne room, different angles of it as narrator talks.]

Narrator/Laurel: We can spend so long planning for the future. Feeling secure with where our life is going, what direction to follow.

[Scene change to front view of a door as it begins to open. Once open can see a luxurious bed chamber behind. Bed covers are unmade, curtains drawn, but it’s empty.]

Narrator/Laurel: And then, in one single moment, everything changes.

[Opening credits.]

[Scene opens to Laurel front view walking in green landscape. He frowns a little and stops walking. Change to Laurel back view to see stood just outside Tempit (now named Corven). Outer Tempit/Corven now has proper houses and a protective gate surrounds it with guards guarding entrance. Laurel front view who sighs.]

Laurel [thoughts]: I never thought I’d be coming back here. Especially like this.

[Scene change to throne room, where Kale (left side view) and Asha (right side view) are stood talking quietly to each other, Kale looks distressed. Door opens (behind screen) and they look up. Change to Asha/Kale other side view to see Laurel has entered room, looking surprised at Asha.]

Laurel: Long time no see…How did you get here so quickly?

[While talking he moved into room so now stood near them. Laurel back view, Asha smiles warmly at him.]

Asha: I’m glad you’re well Laurel. You worried us all, disappearing like that. [smile drops] We were getting signs at the temple that something was about to happen…I came to warn Nat and Fern but…I was too late.

[Asha back view as Laurel grimaces, sorrowful eyes.]

Laurel: So it’s really true? They’re both gone?

[Laurel back view as Asha sighs and nods.]

Asha: They vanished a week ago, just a few days before I arrived. Kale was here [glances at Kale beside her, who looks pale and withdrawn] but he didn’t see anything. No one did.

[Asha back view as Laurel sighs.]

Laurel: There’s rumours everywhere… I was travelling close to Carmina when I heard and rushed here. [Looks down in thought then looks back up] Has anyone checked Arswing village? Maybe they know something.

[Laurel back view as Asha shakes head.]

Asha: We sent a messenger, but they couldn’t get past the village barrier. I was just suggesting I go while Kale remains here. Someone needs to stay and keep order.

Kale [whispered]: She’s pregnant. The night before she disappeared she told me. [looks up] We need to find her; I need my daughter back.

[Kale back view as Laurel looks shocked but nods.]

Laurel: Of course we’ll find her, and Asha is right, you should stay here. You’re the more experienced with taking charge.

[Laurel back view as Kale sighs then nods, looking more focused.]

Kale: Okay, but I will need to get back to Effleton at some point, the rebuilding is almost complete.

[Laurel front view who nods.]

Laurel [thoughts]: So he’s renamed Emlin Way? I guess that’s for the best, a new beginning, just like Nat renamed Tempit to Corven.

Laurel: We’ll be as quick as we can.

[Screen goes black, title reads ‘The next day’.]

[Scene opens to Querida front view, who is staring at camera. Change to Querida back view to see Laurel (left) and Asha (right) sat on knees in front of him. Laurel is fidgeting while Asha is calm, smiling politely.]

Asha: Thank you for letting us enter the village. We-

[Asha/Laurel back view as Querida interrupts her.]

Querida: I know why you’re here. Nathan and his queen have disappeared.

[Querida back view as Asha nods, smile has dropped.]

Asha: Do you know where they are?

[Asha/Laurel back view as Querida looks at them gravely.]

Querida: They are alive, but they will not return to this realm during either of your lifetime.

[Querida back view as they sit in stunned silence for a few seconds.]

Laurel: W-what? What are you talking about?

[Asha sighs]

Asha: Why would an immortal take them?

[Laurel looks over at her sharply then back at Querida as he answers.]

Querida: They have done what they needed to in this era. One day this realm will need their presence more than you do.

Laurel [shouting]: But they’re the king and queen of Corven! Fern is having a baby! You can’t just take them from us!

[Asha/Laurel back view as Querida raises an eyebrow.]

Querida: I took nothing; this was not my doing. I’m merely answering your questions.

[Male voice suddenly speaks up from behind Asha and Laurel (beyond screen).]

Male voice: Give it up, you can’t get those two back where they’ve gone.

[Laurel/Asha front view as they turn heads in surprise to see Ulmar in human form leaning against hut opening, looking down at them. Ulmar back view as Laurel swirls around on floor so now facing him, glaring up at him.]

Laurel: Did you do this?

[Laurel back view (Asha is also turning to face Ulmar) as Ulmar scoffs.]

Ulmar: You really think I could do something like this when Querida can’t? No, this was someone very powerful…and conceited. [Gives them a more sympathetic glance] I’m sorry, but you’ll never see them again, no matter what you try.

[Ulmar back view as Laurel stares at him in disbelief, but Asha nods grimly in acceptance.]

Asha: Then what should we do about Corven? Both its rulers are gone and they left no heir.

[Laurel/Asha back view as Ulmar shrugs.]

Ulmar: That has nothing to do with me.

[Turns around and walks out of the hut, not looking back.]

[Querida back view. As he starts talking Asha and Laurel turn back round to face him.]

Querida: I’m afraid I can’t help either, but…after the battle with Earl, Nathan wasn’t the original planned leader for Corven, or rather, Tempit as it was. Perhaps that person can help you.

[Laurel front view who looks down, eyes distant.]

Laurel: …No one has seen Nevan in five years.

[Pan out a little so Laurel/Asha front view. Asha looks over at Laurel, thoughtful.]

Asha: Maybe it’s time we started looking.

[Laurel glances up and looks at her.]

[Scene change to Kale front view in throne room, who has disbelief/annoyed expression.]

Kale: Nevan? That’s their answer? They expect me to forget my daughter and grandchild to chase after a ghost and make him king?

[Change to Kale (right)/Laurel/Asha (left) side view. Laurel is closest to screen and can see Asha stood next to him.]

[Subtitle on bottom of screen reads ‘The next day’.]

[Change to Kale back view as Laurel grimaces at him.]

Laurel: I’m sorry, but they said Fern won’t return in our lifetime…at least you know she’s safe and alive.

[Laurel/Asha back view as Kale steps closer, fuming with rage.]

Kale: Safe? Alive? I know nothing! This is ridiculous!

[Change to Kale/Laurel/Asha side view as Kale storms past/in between Laurel and Asha and off screen right. Change to Laurel/Asha back view as they turn, so now a front view, staring at Kale (off screen).]

Laurel: Where are you going?

[Change to Kale front view as he continues striding towards door (camera moves with him).]

Kale: To find my daughter. I won’t be so easily dismissed.

[Laurel/Asha front view as hear door slam shut. Asha winces while Laurel sighs in defeat.]

Laurel: I guess we should have expected that.

Asha: True, but his help would have been invaluable.

[Laurel brings hands up to hide/rub his face while he groans.]

Laurel [muffled]: This is crazy! Even if we find Nevan, he won’t come back here.

[Asha shrugs.]

Asha: It’s the only option we have right now. The other main members of the resistance are already occupied and settled…unless you want the job.

[Laurel lifts head up and drops arms, looking at her with an amused laugh.]

Laurel: Me? I don’t know anything about maintenance and power. Corven would be starving and deserted within a month.

[Asha nods in agreement, amused.]

Asha: Then I guess I better stay and try keep things running while you find Nevan…although if you find old resistance members along the way willing to help please send them here.

[Laurel grimaces, hesitant, but then sighs and nods.]

Laurel: Okay, I’ll try my best. But if I haven’t found him within three months we’ll need to think of something else.

[Asha nods, smiling.]

Asha: If anyone can find him, it’s you.

[Zoom closer so just a Laurel front view, who looks away from Asha towards screen, but head is down, frowning.]

Laurel [thoughts]: I’m not so sure; he won’t be the same Nevan I used to know.

[Looks up again. Screen goes black.]

[Scene change to close face Agape front view, who is looking down at something in his arms, smiling. Change to front view of a door (inside the house view) as it opens, revealing a man in his mid-teens, dressed plainly and very clean, hair in a plait which hangs over his left shoulder (copying Agape’s style), reaching to top of chest.]

Teenager: Agape, the traders have arrived.

[Agape back view as he turns to face screen, smiling. Can see he is holding/cradling a baby who also has white hair and blue eyes, staring up at Agape, trying to grab at his fire symbol necklace.]

Agape: Good, I think they’ll be happy with our products this year. Out little community has worked hard.

[Baby gurgles happily, drawing Agape’s attention as he bounces him a little, swaying him in his arms. Change to Agape back view as teenager smiles nervously.]

Teenager: …They bring some disturbing news. The king and queen of Corven have vanished.

[Teenager back view as Agape frowns in confusion, stepping closer until he’s just in front of teenager.]

Agape: What do you mean?

[Agape back view.]

Teenager: No one can find them or know what happened, it’s been over a month now.

[Teenager back view as Agape looks away, still frowning.]

Agape [thoughts]: That doesn’t sound like them at all.

Teenager: What will you do? Will you go to Corven to help?

[Change to Teenager (left)/Agape (right) side view as Agape walks past him towards door leading outside. Teenager turns and follows him silently.]

[Change to outside house to see in a snowy village, lightly snowing. Agape/Teenager back view as they come out of house, see a woman in front of house, approaching Agape with a smile. She’s light blonde, and carrying a basket with goods/long lasting food in.]

Woman: Darling, I was just coming to take over so you can see the traders. Has he slept at all?

[Change to woman (left)/Agape (right) side view. Teenager is off screen behind him at first, but moves beside him (closest to screen) nodding in greeting at woman then walks past her until off screen from left. Agape looks up at woman, a little dazed.]

Agape: Yeah, he just woke up fifteen minutes ago, all changed and playful for you.

[Woman smiles fondly at baby as Agape hands him over, still a little distracted. Woman gives him a sympathetic smile.]

Woman: So you’ve heard the news already. What will you do?

[Close Agape face side view to show thoughtful look, then eyes clear and he sighs, smiling. Woman/Agape side view.]

Agape: This is my home now, Coral, with you and Reaf. I’m worried about them, but there’s nothing I could do even if I went to Corven. All I can do is live.

[Coral smiles and puts a loving (her right) hand on his arm. Baby Reaf is cradled in her other arm, balanced on her hip.]

Coral: Tell you what, why don’t we go for a family stroll? The snow is light; we can enjoy the peace.

[Agape close face side view as he smiles and nods.]

[Scene change to Laurel front view, stood waiting impatiently near a large table, drumming his fingers on it. Room is bare but big, with solid stone walls and a reinforced door visible behind Laurel.]

Laurel: You must have heard something. Even I found rumours, but they led nowhere.

[Change to Laurel back view to see Kale is sat at table, bent down and frowning at some papers.]

Kale: You really think my focus has been on rumours about Nevan? No, all my focus is on whispers about my daughter.

[Kale back view.]

Laurel: But Querida’s already told you-

[Laurel back view as Kale looks up sharply, glaring.]

Kale: You think I’ll let him stop me? No, he knows where she is, and I won’t stop until he tells me the truth…[looks back at paper] But we’re at a crucial point of the rebuilding; I had to come back.

[Kale back view.]

Laurel: You mean that giant wall you’re building around the town? Is that really necessary?

[Laurel back view as Kale laughs bitterly.]

Kale: I thought you of all people would understand.

[Kale back view.]

Laurel: Earl is gone, and even if this wall does protect you from any potential threats, it will isolate you more.

[Laurel back view as Kale shrugs dismissively.]

Kale: That does not bother me. [looks up, annoyed] Are you really planning to hang around here until you get a lead? Just go to Fepal, or Carmina.

[Kale back view to see Laurel straighten up, annoyed.]

Laurel: I’ve already been there. Carmina had rumours of an artist who lived like a ghost, but no one has seen him in years! Fepal…[looks away, voice soft/sad.] they had stories of a healer, a man with haunted eyes who healed any he came across and refused to take payment…but he suddenly disappeared eight months ago.

[Laurel back view as Kale frowns in thought.]

Kale: Eight months ago…wasn’t that when the Duke visited the larger towns and cities to gain favour with the people?

[Kale back view as Laurel looks back in his direction, surprised.]

Laurel: You mean Elias?

[Laurel back view as Kale nods.]

Kale: He must have heard the same stories. Perhaps he went to confront Nevan and he ran. [looks back down at papers] You should go talk to him.

[Kale back view as Laurel sighs and rolls his eyes.]

Laurel: All the way in Haven? Guess I better send Asha a message to warn her. [looks pointedly at Kale] Next time you go to interrogate Querida, can you pop in and check on her? She’s been looking after Corven alone.

[Laurel back view as Kale waves a dismissive hand, not bothering to look up. Laurel sighs again and turns, walking off/past screen. Kale back view to see Laurel reach door and open it.]

Laurel: Goodbye then.

[Walks out and closes door, Kale continues looking at papers. Laurel front view, leaning against door on other side and sighing.]

Laurel [thoughts]: I was hoping he’d be involved in this; it would be a good distraction…but going back and forth from Effleton to Arswing demanding to see Fern…

[Laurel rubs eyes tiredly, sighing again.]

Laurel [thoughts]: There’s nothing I can do to help him. I just hope he’ll accept the truth one day and try to move on.

[Straightens up, looking determined.]

Laurel: Right, Haven it is.

[Screen goes black, title reads ‘four weeks later’. Scene opens to close side face Nevan view (right) in a dimly lit room. Has stubble on face and haunted eyes staring blankly down. Stays like this a few seconds, then hear an animal whimper and a dog (golden coloured labrador) moves on screen (left), licking Nevan’s face until he focuses gaze on it, frowning.]

Nevan: Why are you still here? You owe me nothing; go and find someone who can love you.

[Dog whimpers again and nudges his chin. Nevan sighs tiredly, beginning to move. Pan out so further away side view to see Nevan was sat on concrete floor in a storage room where dog bed is set up. Now stumbling to feet as dog watches him eagerly, tail wagging.]

Nevan: What, is it dinnertime already? You don’t need me to come with you, just find Elias.

[Change to other side view so can see door between them. Nevan turns and opens it, stepping back again so the dog can slip through (so Nevan’s back is facing screen). Dog goes through but then turns back around, looking expectantly up at Nevan. Nevan sighs and reluctantly follows it out of room into corridor.]

Nevan: I’m starting to regret healing you.

[Scene change to Elias back view who is moving down corridor, sighing. Sees a guard walking towards him from opposite direction and he stops to address him.]

Elias: Have you seen Nevan? A new patient has arrived.

[Guard looks a little nervous.]

Guard: It was reported he was seen in the middle of the night, going to his…the stray’s room. He must still be in there.

[Guard back view to see Elias put hands on hips in annoyance.]

Elias: Him and that mutt. I wish he’d either admit he wants it or let me find it a proper family. I guess that means he didn’t get any sleep again.

[Guard shakes head.]

Guard: Not that anyone saw, sir, I hope the patient’s case isn’t too serious; he won’t have the energy to heal much in his state.

[Elias sighs, looking away.]

Elias: I don’t think he can ever be fully prepared for this patient.

[Nods at Guard as a dismissal and they both continue on their way. Change to Elias back view as he walks down corridor (camera follows), turning a few times until comes into corridor where Nevan is coming out of storage room, dog eagerly waiting for him. Elias pauses and waits until Nevan has closed door and turned to face him, about to head down corridor, then stopping and blinking in surprise when he notices Elias.]

Elias: You have another patient.

Nevan: Hello to you too.

[Nevan starts walking. When he reaches him Elias turns so now both front view and turn corner, dog following. Camera stays with them as a Nevan/Elias front view as they keep walking.]

 Elias: You didn’t sleep again last night.

[Nevan huffs in annoyance.]

Nevan: We’ve been through this already; I don’t sleep much.

Elias: But you do sleep a little, usually. When you don’t, you start muttering to yourself, it creeps out my guards.

[Nevan raises an amused eyebrow at him.]

Nevan: Don’t tell me your big guards are scared of me?

Elias: Of course they are. It’s clear to everyone you’re not stable, and you’ve been here long enough for them to realise what you’re capable of. They’d be less nervous if you had a clear goal for your life.

Nevan: My patients don’t count?

Elias: No, they’re too irregular for that. If you were here for them alone you’d take better care of yourself to ensure your healing ability was at its best at all times. They come because they hear rumours, and you oblige them because you have nothing better to do.

Nevan [sighs]: You’re the one who dragged me here. If you don’t want me to stay I’ll leave.

Elias: …I’d rather you were here where I can make sure you’re not drowning in self-pity. But if you find a real purpose I’ll stop worrying and watch you leave happily.

Nevan [laughs harshly]: So in other words become useful or I can’t ever leave? Doing what?

Elias: You could start by either taking full responsibility of that dog or finding it a loving home. Leaving it in limbo is cruel.

Nevan [amused smirk]: Awww, who knew an ex-assassin spy would have a soft spot for mongrels.

[Elias ignores him as he stops and turns to face left of screen where there’s a door. Nevan looks at it, startled.]

Nevan: Why would a patient be in my room?

[Elias just nods at door before turning back the way they came and walking away.]

Elias: Just remember what I said.

[Change to Nevan back view as he stares back at the door. Dog has stopped and sat to the right, staring up at him. Nevan looks at him and quirks an eyebrow.]

Nevan: Do you think Elias is trying to get me laid?

[Dog just looks at him, wagging tail against the floor. Nevan sighs and turns gaze back to door.]

Nevan [thoughts]: Well, whatever he’s planning better be good.

[Pushes door open.]

[Scene change to Laurel back view inside Nevan’s room, sat casually on the bed and turning gaze to door as it opens. See Nevan freeze when he sees him. Nevan front view to see shock/horror. Laurel front view who gives a weak wave.]

Laurel: Hey, it’s been a while [gaze looks over to front left of screen] Is that your dog?

[Nevan front view as he glances to his right briefly at dog, who wanders into room, heading towards Laurel. Nevan looks back up in Laurel’s direction, giving him a narrowed, suspicious look.]

Nevan: How did you find me? Why?

[Nevan back view as he walks cautiously into the room until in front of Laurel, who remains casually sat on bed, stroking dog and feeding him broken up biscuits.]

Laurel: It wasn’t easy; I chased every rumour there was about you. As for why… [looks up, giving him a serious stare] You must have already guessed that.

[Laurel back view as Nevan gives him a cold look.]

Nevan: Elias has already sent advisors and supplies to Corven. You just need to wait for Nat and Fern to come back.

[Nevan back view as Laurel looks pained, making eye contact.]

Laurel: They’re not coming back, Nevan, not in our lifetime. The immortals have them and won’t release them. Apparently they’ll be needed in the future more than we need them here.

[Laurel back view as Nevan sighs.]

Nevan: Well, that’s…inconvenient. I wasn’t planning on ever seeing them again, but I didn’t want them to vanish.

[Nevan back view.]

Laurel: Corven needs a new leader. Asha can’t stay there forever and Kale refuses to accept his daughter’s fate.

[Laurel back view as Nevan’s gaze turns to shock, then he lets out a cold laugh.]

Nevan: You’re joking, right?

[Nevan front view who’s shaking head in disbelief as Laurel talks.]

Laurel: You were the leader of the resistance, which succeeded in overthrowing a corrupt ruler. Of course your name popped up.

[Laurel back view, Nevan now wearing a sarcastic smile.]

Nevan: You really think I’d go back to that place? Get one of Elias’ men to do it.

[Nevan back view as Laurel stands up from bed, looking annoyed.]

Laurel: The previous Duke’s attack is still fresh in the people of Corven’s mind. It’s why Elias has kept his distance while still offering help where he can. If Corven can trust a new leader it needs to be someone from the resistance that set them free from Earl’s tyranny.

[Laurel back view as Nevan whirls angry gaze on him.]

Nevan: Then you do it!

[Nevan back view as Laurel steps closer to him so facing off against each other.]

Laurel: I’m a soldier, not a leader. I don’t know anything about ruling people and negotiating with other towns.

[Laurel back view as Nevan deflates a little, looking away and giving a casual shrug.]

Nevan: Neither do I. Everything has changed in five years; I’d be as useless as you.

[Nevan back view as Laurel shakes head.]

Laurel: I don’t believe that. You’ve been travelling from town-to-town just like me, but even when you’re isolating yourself you notice things. An Innkeeper in Fepal told me you advised him to lower his room rates and he’d profit in the long run. The nobles of Corven and Haven don’t travel much now, not yet, but they used to be his only guests. Now it’s everyday people who go to see Fepal’s performance stage. Once he took your advice and lowered his price he’s been fully booked every night.

[Laurel stands up straighter, staring challengingly at Nevan, who still has head turned away to his left side, looking thoughtful.]

Laurel: You helped him without even trying to get involved. Think of what you could do for Corven. Please, Nevan, come back with me.

[Laurel back view as Nevan slowly looks at him, eyes filled with deep sorrow and pain.]

Nevan: I can’t go back there, Laurel. I can’t.

[Nevan back view as Laurel sighs, looking away. Moment of silence, then Laurel back view as he looks back and starts talking so can see Nevan’s reactions.]

Laurel: I think you need to. Even if you don’t come back to rule, you need to go there to finally find peace. You’ve wandered all these years, but it hasn’t helped. You need to go there, Nevan, and I think you already know that.

[Nevan front view as he closes eyes in defeat, looking exhausted, but resigned. Laurel back view to see put a comforting/supportive hand on his shoulder.]

[Scene change to Laurel (left)/Nevan (right) front view as they exit the Haven castle and begin walking through town, Dog is walking beside Nevan. Can see Elias behind, watching them leave with a fond smile. Laurel looks over at Nevan, giving him an encouraging smile, but Nevan just looks ahead, eyes still haunted.]

[Change to Nevan close face side view (looking to left of screen) so can see Laurel on far side watching him (so facing in direction of camera), now looking worried.]

Laurel [thoughts]: I was expecting him to be in a bad way, but I really don’t know if he’ll ever be fit to rule Corven. Not like this.

[Laurel sighs and turns gaze back in front of him.]

Laurel [thoughts]: I guess time will tell.

[Screen goes black, title reads ‘one week later’. Scene opens to Asha close front view as she reads a letter, sighing in relief and smiling. Continues reading and frowns a little.]

Asha [thoughts]: So he’s still torn up over Elle’s death. Well, I suppose we can hope Corven’s need will be a big enough purpose to snap him out of limbo. I should make extra preparations, just in case.

[Scene change to night-time in a landscape area. Laurel (left)/Nevan (right) front view, sat down and staring at a camp fire in front of them. Laurel is warming his hands on it, smiling absent-mindedly, while Nevan is just staring blankly at it. Dog is asleep by Nevan’s side. Laurel looks over at him, then at fire again.]

Laurel: I’ve been trying, you know, to honour Elle’s last words.

[See Nevan stiffen. Laurel winces a little but keeps talking.]

Laurel: I stopped waiting for Fern to forgive me and I left her to her new life. I guess I’ve been a bit of an ambassador for different areas of the resistance. They’ve all settled comfortably into their roles now, just like you planned.

[Awkward silence for a few seconds, then Nevan suddenly speaks up.]

Nevan: She was in love with you.

[Laurel stiffens, then sighs and deflates again.]

Laurel: …I know. I didn’t realise it at the time, but looking back on it…I guess I was her first crush.

[Nevan gives a bitter smile.]

Nevan: If you hadn’t been so pre-occupied with Fern I would have killed you.

[Change to Laurel close face front view, looking sorrowful. Can hear Elle’s voice from episode twenty five.]

Elle [echo effect]: I love you both so much. And I want you to be happy.

[Brief white flash and see Elle scene from episode twenty five, her final words.]

Elle [echo effect]: You’ll be okay; I believe in you.

[Brief white flash and back to Laurel/Nevan front view.]

Laurel: She really believed we could be happy one day.

[Nevan’s head droops, his voice quivering.]

Nevan: All I wanted to do was keep her safe, and I failed. How can I continue to live when my purpose in life is gone?

[Laurel is quiet for a few seconds, still looking ahead, thoughtful.]

Laurel: In the end, the necklace was meant for her. They said you could change her fate, but she wasn’t willing to let you die in her place.

[Looks over at Nevan.]

Laurel: It really was her choice. She chose to keep her original fate and save you. Now all you can do is accomplish something meaningful with the life she gave you.

[Looks ahead again.]

Laurel: Isn’t that why you’ve been healing people without payment?

[Nevan close face front view as he lifts up head again. Eyes still filled with pain, but gain a new, thoughtful light in them as he looks up at the sky.]

Nevan [thoughts]: Elle…

[Screen goes black. Title reads ‘four weeks later’. Scene opens to Laurel (left)/Nevan (right)/Dog front view as walking through green landscape. Laurel is looking at Nevan, annoyed, while Nevan is looking straight ahead.]

Laurel: You’re really just calling him Dog for the rest of his life? The poor thing needs a real name!

[Nevan just shrugs.]

Nevan: He already responds to it, and it’s easy to remember. What do you care anyway? He’s my dog.

[Dog looks up at Nevan and wags tail happily. Laurel rolls his eyes but smiles.]

Laurel: Well, I suppose it’s good you finally admit it.

[Nevan stops dead in tracks, eyes wide with fear. Laurel stops too, confused, then looks ahead. Change to Nevan/Laurel back view to show Outer Corven is in view. Change to Laurel side view as looks at Nevan (furthest away from screen), then reaches out with left hand and grabs Nevan’s upper arm.]

Laurel: Come on, let’s keep moving.

[Change to high bird’s eye view of them as they enter Outer Corven and head towards gate leading to Inner Corven (approaching area where had final battle with Earl).]

[Laurel/Nevan/Dog front view to see Nevan stop dead again, staring at a spot on the ground. Laurel and Dog continue a few steps then stops to face Nevan. Laurel front view, expression anxious.]

Laurel [thoughts]: This is the spot where Elle…

[Laurel back view as watching Nevan. Camera slowly moves closer until a Nevan face front view, whose eyes fill with tears.]

Nevan: Elle.

[Laurel back view as Nevan sinks to floor, hands touching spot on ground as he sobs.]

Nevan [thoughts]: Elle, I’m so sorry. Your big brother is back now. I promise I’ll protect what you gave your life for.

[Nevan back view as he continues sobbing. Laurel is watching him, a relieved smile on face.]

Narrator/Laurel: It wasn’t an instant fix. Nevan never fully recovered from his sister’s death, but he let himself have a purpose again.

[Scene change to inside Corven castle throne room. Asha front view as door opens (off screen) and Laurel/Nevan/Dog walk forward until a back view. Asha smiles brightly at them. Change to Laurel/Nevan/Dog (left)/Asha (right) side view. Asha talking but words muted so can hear narrator/Laurel.]

Narrator/Laurel: Asha stayed in Corven for four more months, making sure Nevan was fully ready before she went home to Aneller. We never saw her again in person, but we kept in contact through letters.

[Scene change Nevan/Laurel/Dog front view walking through Corven. Nevan is talking (muted) and pointing at stuff, while Laurel nods and takes some notes on a bit of paper.]

Narrator/Laurel: Kale visited sometimes, but could never fully accept Fern’s disappearance. He continued to demand answers off Querida until his dying day. None of us ever saw Nat and Fern again.

[Scene change to Nevan/Laurel/Dog back view in Malhand Forest in front of an unmarked grave. Change to grave back view so can see Laurel/Nevan front view, heads bowed.]

Narrator/Laurel: Nevan often went to Malhand Forest, Nat’s old home, the place he’d buried his sister. Each time he asked me to come with him.

[Laurel/Nevan look up so can see faces full of new hope.]

Narrator/Laurel: At first I stayed to give him support, intending to leave one day. But I found my purpose and fate were joined to his, and we spent the rest of our lives together, watching over Corven.

[Nevan sighs and claps hands together once, making Dog and Laurel look at him.]

Nevan: Right, let’s go home.

[Laurel nods. They turn and walk through forest until out of sight. Change to grave front view.]

Narrator/Laurel: And during that time the realm knew true peace.

[Ending credits.]

[Scene change to Ulmar (human form) back view, stood in front of Malhand Forest seal. Ulmar close face front view, face hard.]

Ulmar [thoughts]: One day, I will bring you back.

[Screen goes black.]

[End.]

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