Scribbled Thoughts

Handsome & the Hideous

XVI

She’d tossed the hat and veil aside,

refusing to hide any longer.

All was laid bare now, suffering with endless

itching seemed a pointless torment.

She kept the dress and gloves on,

feeling long-forgotten emotions at her previous

nakedness: bashfulness and shame.

Despite Handsome’s reaction she was hopeful

when he ran to his room instead of the forest,

where he’d risk death to leave.

She retrieved the knife from the table and

made her way outside, but it was not the moon

who called to her tonight.

She stood by the flowerbeds with the knife

in plain view, a strange peace settling over her.

‘You gave him this, didn’t you?

So that he’d understand and stop plotting my death.’

A bouquet of tulips and edelweiss

floated towards her hands.

She dropped the knife to cradle it in both arms.

‘You really do love me, don’t you? Thank you.

I promise I’ll break the curse.

I’ll make him love me so I can set you free.’

She was patient, animal instincts quelled

and human rationality in control.

She let Handsome hide from her for a week

before the dinner dates began again.

Now, they were held in a smaller area,

an old drawing room once used for post-supper

drinks and the puffing of cigars.

Handsome seemed to appreciate both of these,

his intake of alcohol a daily need that she

tried to ignore, the smell of tobacco

his new signature scent.

She gave up her throne and crammed into the

same chair design he had, uncomfortable but willing.

She even ate instead of staring, though food did nothing for her.

‘I can’t leave,’ Handsome slurred. ‘I’m a criminal,

and will be hanged. But I can’t love you either, it’s impossible.’

‘Then let’s be friends and keep each other company.’

She said easily, undeterred by his answer.

There was plenty of time to change his mind.

Their slow friendship grew easier, now daylight

didn’t deter them from seeking each other out,

and soon they would stroll the gardens together.

Handsome would be oblivious to his surroundings

while she was always searching for another.

‘You like flowers, don’t you?’ Handsome observed

as she accepted a rose from an invisible hand.

‘They’re always giving you them out here.’

‘Yes,’ she smiled, sharing a secret glance with Jeremy.

‘I love them.’

‘Then that’s what I’ll call you,’ Handsome announced,

snatching the flower from her and holding it up in the air.

She suppressed a snarl. ‘Rose.’

Naming her seemed to give him a sense of power

and he became more confident, like he’d tamed her.

He talked of his past crimes with haughty gusto,

expecting no reprimand or opinion.

She kept her thoughts quiet, knowing the key

to his affection was to be docile.

As months passed he talked more of

his female conquests, lust in his eyes.

She saw him scanning her hidden body,

focusing on her breasts, her human-looking curves.

Memories of the sorcerer who’d cursed her

resurfaced, and she longed to strike him

for daring to view her as an object

instead of his better.

But instead she did nothing to resist when

he began leading her to his room at night,

fumbling over her body in the dark

and avoiding unnaturally hairy areas.

She prayed no one watched as she

finally submitted to the humiliating defeat

and let him part her legs,

making her long punishment seem pointless, all their suffering for nothing.

Handsome & the Hideous

XV

He let go of the knife, moving out of reach,

expecting retaliation with the creature’s last breath.

Instead, she looked at him, pulling out the weapon.

No blood flow followed, and no signs of death.

Her free hand reached up, removing her hat,

revealing the monstrous animal beneath.

She stabbed the knife into the table,

smiling at him and baring her teeth.

‘Are you satisfied now, is your bloodlust quenched?

Will you finally accept your new fate?

You cannot kill the beast of the castle

while your heart harbours such hate.’

‘But why won’t you die? What do you want?

What is the point of this charade?

Do you expect me to live here forever?

To hide in your shadow and have all your rules obeyed?

The creature sat back on her throne

and Handsome fought to contain his fright.

She closed her eyes, their lids flickering,

and in a hypnotic voice began to recite:

‘From this hurt you’ve caused through rejection

I curse you so I can reclaim my honour.

Your beautiful world will crumble around you

and your body will shift until you become a monster.

‘Those present tonight, in and around the castle,

will vanish, unheard and unseen by all.

Voiceless and invisible, they can’t break this curse,

but they will suffer with you through your fall.

‘Time will not age you, wounds won’t be felt.

Only one who truly loves you will be able to harm you.

Ages will pass, your kingdom will perish,

but still you will linger and suffer through.

‘This way you’ll remain,

the outside world forgetting this place,

and the curse can only be broken

if someone speaks “I love you” to that face.’

She opened her eyes and stared straight

at Handsome, emotions open and raw.

This scared him more than her hostility,

her viewing him with hope and awe.

‘Wait, you need me to love you?

You’re relying on me to set you free?’

At her hesitant nod he vigorously shook his head

and turned away to flee.

In his room he huddled and despaired,

his true situation he was beginning to conceive.

This curse meant he was trapped just like its victims.

He could not kill the creature, and he could not leave.

Handsome & the Hideous

XIV

On the fifth night of tense dinner dates

Handsome could bear it no longer.

‘What is this place? What are you?’

He clutched a dinner knife in his hand,

waiting for the creature’s reaction.

Pain flickered in her eyes, replaced with

dark amusement, a chuckle rumbling from her throat.

‘I don’t remember the name of this castle,

or what people called me, except Queen.

I was human, I think, but cursed with this form,

and the others made invisible,

unable to communicate, unable to die.’

He wanted to ask, ‘Can you die?’

but bit his tongue.

His invisible shadows relaxed their restrictions,

allowing him free roam in the safe areas of the castle.

Some sections were still decayed from time,

too dangerous to venture in, too dark to tempt him.

He never saw the creature outside the dining hall,

but sometimes felt hungry eyes following his movements.

He’d escape into the gardens, feeling others nearby

but able to ignore them, relax.

It had been two weeks of the terrifying dinner arrangement

when this routine was interrupted.

He was basking in the sunlight, drinking in its light,

eyes shut in contentment, when a rustle

near his side alerted him to wariness once more.

A small picnic basket rested on the grass,

with its sides patched up in places from years of wear.

He lifted the lid, spotting fresh apples, cherries,

carrots and potatoes inside, still coated in dirt.

He shuffled through them, searching for a clean snack

when his fingers slid over a smooth cold surface

sitting hidden at the bottom.

He removed an apple and wiped it clean

with his shirt sleeve, trying to appear casual

while his heart thudded with excitement

and fear in equal measures.

A knife. Someone had given him a knife.

The only time he was left alone was in his room,

when he was using the chamber pot.

He forced himself to stay in the garden

another hour before heading back

and announcing his need for privacy.

He examined the knife, sharp and ready,

and wrapped the blade in two handkerchiefs

before hiding it down his back, though his trouser belt.

That night at dinner he didn’t avoid her gaze,

he watched her as closely as she watched him,

calculating, searching.

‘Why do you never eat?’ he asked,

‘Isn’t the food to your liking?’

Her attention strayed to the table and he

sprang up, pulling the dagger from its hiding place

-the handkerchiefs unravelling in the process-

stepping on the table and

plunging the knife into her heart.

Handsome & the Hideous

XIII

Jeremy never went to the dining hall to witness

the interactions between the mistress and the human.

Instead, now her courtyard visits had lessened,

he sought ways to escape his seclusion.

Other servants were more active in the garden now,

showing an interest in growing more food.

The arrival of the human had restored their hope

and a flourish of activity had ensued.

Some were focused on restoring the castle,

trying to revive it, just like the west wing.

But many materials would be needed

and there was only one way to get everything.

Jeremy followed a group into the forest,

tracking their progress from discreet, small sounds.

They walked a full day before emerging

into a large area of green, open grounds.

The wide unknown startled him, at first,

a sensation so unfamiliar it made him nervous.

But he moved forward, determined to succeed

in this new exploration, to find a new purpose.

In the distance was the village, a sight strange to see,

so many small settlements crammed together.

There was noise, so much noise!

It brought a surprising wave of pleasure.

He walked through the muddy streets,

listening to the people talk and talk.

He could feel himself grinning, face hurting

from unused muscles, as he continued to walk and stalk.

As night fell and the village grew quiet

the other invisible invaders began to spirit items away.

Cloth, wood and other useful items

that the village wouldn’t miss until the break of day.

Jeremy felt bad for these poor, simple people

but didn’t protest or try to stop the theft.

Instead, he also entered the sleeping houses,

rummaging through belongings and sifting through chests.

As light began to threaten their task,

Jeremy briefly considered staying, living amongst life.

But the thought of his mistress bid he returned,

taking the item he’d come to find, a knife.

Handsome & the Hideous

XII

He hadn’t realised his memory of her was real,

assuming it had been a nightmare delusion

while on death’s door.

Now she was dressed like a noble lady,

her monstrous face hidden while her clothes

highlighted what feminine figure she had left.

She was stood stiffly, at attention,

enormous hands clasped together in front.

Her nervous energy contradicted her presence

but he couldn’t force his legs to move forward.

‘H-hello,’ he rough, husky voice boomed

into the evening, ‘Welcome to my castle.’

He almost ran, but invisible hands pressed

against his back, preventing any retreat,

but not forcing him forward.

‘Thank you,’ he squeaked, stinging his pride

enough to clear his throat in annoyance.

‘This place saved my life.’

She shuffled, taking a step closer,

then retreated again, raising her head.

He spied an apple lift towards her, insistent.

He caught the answering gleam in her eyes

beyond the cloth barrier,

separating them from the outside world.

‘Would you care to join me for dinner?’

The dining hall looked different from the

rest of the castle, its furniture not quite

matching the castle’s original décor.

The tables were sturdy but bland,

the expected occupants of inns or cheap taverns.

There was four lined up together, each able to sit

six people, but not filling even half of the hall’s capacity.

Candles were the only light source,

placed to form a path leading to the dinner.

Already wax leaked from some, a pool forming

at their base and creeping across the floor.

They walked over cracked marble, perfectly polished

but containing deep dents hiding in the dim light,

almost tripping him over.

Ancient candelabras illuminated a buffet of food,

a mixture of fresh fruits, vegetables and cooked wolf meat

invaded his senses, distracting him from the

clicking of the creature’s nails echoing at his side.

There was only two chairs, placed opposite each other

at the centre of the feast.

He recognised the design of one from the village’s inn,

a ram’s head carved on top.

The other chair was a throne, large and imposing.

Its frame was made of stone, a little worn from age,

but its carvings of kings and queens still distinguishable.

The padded red velvet material supporting the back and seat

looked new, restoring an ancient item to respect.

The creature glided towards the throne,

her posture regal and confident,

slipping into a long-forgotten skin

he couldn’t help admire.

She didn’t eat, just sat in silence,

eyes penetrating through her veil

to study his every move.

The food was delicious, but he barely tasted it,

too aware of the predator sitting opposite, waiting.

They didn’t speak, that first time,

too tense and unsure of the other’s motive.

She seemed intent on keeping him here,

while he longed to kill her, and take all

that was hers as his own.

Handsome & the Hideous

XI

Handsome woke in the carefully preserved room

to a bowl of soup floating beside the bed.

Too glad to be alive, he overlooked the strangeness,

accepting the food and requesting some bread.

The food kept appearing through a nearby door,

floating, but steady, as his requests were brought.

He asked where he was, but received no reply

so he decided to wait patiently for the answers he sought.

A tin bath was filled and he soaked in it for hours,

washing away the forest’s stain from his skin.

New clothes were presented, and he allowed

invisible hands to dress him, wearing a grin.

The clothes were a healthy green,

comfortable but stylish, a statement of hope.

He felt like someone important, needed,

instead of one suited for the hangman’s rope.

The invisible servants followed as he left the room

into a corridor, old and worn, but clean.

He felt whispers of movement as he explored,

sensing more life nearby that remained unseen.

He explored the castle wing for the next few days,

content in the luxury of his new home,

but soon he longed to see the outside again,

in the gardens and courtyard he longed to roam.

The door leading from the west wing was locked

and at first the servants refused to let him leave,

but with gentle coaxing and promises of staying

they handed over the key, anxiety relieved.

He was led, very strictly, to the gardens and back,

never allowed to see the rest of the castle.

For now, he let them have their way,

enjoying the outside, and not wanting any hassle.

He sensed another presence outside, following,

picking up the flowers Handsome plucked and discarded.

It never approached him or caused any harm

but neither would it leave the garden unguarded.

One day, he ignored insistent tugs at his clothes

to leave the garden before the sun set.

He was growing bored of the restrictions…

and in this way, Handsome and the hideous officially met. 

Handsome & the Hideous

X

Jeremy watched, silent as always, while

his mistress circled the castle grounds with

increased frantic speed. The human man

had been taken to the west wing, but neither

had followed. She was switching between

hopeful, scared whimpers and possessive,

angry growls.

‘My land.’ She snarled, stopping and positioning

herself against a tree. He moved closer,

stopping as she wrapped one leg around its middle.

The soft trickle of urine ran down its bark.

A satisfied grunt left her as she untangled her limbs

and sprinted to the next tree,

a clear goal driving back her panic.

He followed her, slow and cautious, knowing

any attempts at comforting touches would backfire.

Distrust was default to them all,

living ghosts who couldn’t experience or influence

and a creature-once-human who no longer

knew what normal interactions felt like.

How did she once sit down and talk about

mundane topics, while sipping teas and nibbling

at cake? How did human’s find the natural,

easy flow of conversations and feel

comfortable in another’s presence?

Jeremy was a half-presence, a wisp of

possibility that she could acknowledge or

ignore when it suited.

This man was different.

He was hope and despair. Immediate.

After hundreds of years of endless time,

waiting, the sudden need for action and change

was crushing the fragile thread to her humanity.

Her scent-marking complete, she began

howling at the moon, voice quivering and desperate.

At her feet he lay a red gladiolus.

Hope. Strength. Remembrance.

She stopped, gaze meeting his, locking with eyes

she could not see but felt and knew.

She reached out and locked him in a

possessive hug, a moment just their own

before everything changed forever.

The threatening presence of dawn drove

the mistress inside. Jeremy abandoned his garden to follow.

She paced the corridor leading to the west wing,

its entrance barred with a locked door

she hadn’t realised still existed.

It opened briefly, and invisible hands

presented a wrapped bundle.

The mistress stared, not moving, so

Jeremy gently took it, undoing the ribbon

to reveal the altered clothes within.

The dress was a deep purple, silk that

caught the light and teased its smooth touch.

It was big enough to cover her figure and

long enough to hide her legs and feet.

A burka in the same shade had a thin

tulle layer over the eye opening.

Thick purple gloves with blue vine patterning

had been enforced with extra padding, to hide

and contain her claws.

Jeremy held the bundle out to her,

and held his breath, until she took it.

Handsome & the Hideous

IX

He’d stayed out of the queen’s way, at first,

focusing all his mixed emotions on his work.

But her nightly gazes towards the moon

drew his attention and caused him to lurk.

She was ugly, there was no denying it,

and he’d already forgotten what her looks used to be.

But out of them all, she was still the most human,

her pain and suffering visible for them all to see.

He’d followed her around, at first unannounced,

a night-time shadow echoing her steps,

listening to her sorrow-filled howls,

and experiencing emotions he had started to forget.

As her natural instincts sharpened, she noticed,

sensed his presence and tensed up in fear.

He’d witnessed other servants attacking her before

making her weary if any coming near.

Slowly, slowly she began to trust, recognise,

and expect him, her guardian phantom.

He communicated through flowers, carved in

vegetables, wrote in soil, promised that he’d never abandon.

At times he grew too bold, touched her,

tried to kiss her, suggested other acts of love.

She grew enraged, feeling betrayed, used,

and forced him away with a mighty shove.

He was desperate, nerves and body tingling

as he screamed out: ‘I love you! I love you!

Let me set you free!’ In the soil he drew the words,

making it impossible for her not to view.

But his voice was soundless and could not be heard;

written words alone would not break the curse.

He could not save her, or himself,

and his insistent proclamations were only making things worse.

He never stopped loving her, never stopped following,

but resigned himself to never being her saviour.

Instead he waited, a silent support

and worried about her increased animal behaviour.

Handsome & the Hideous

VIII

The curse hadn’t transformed the castle,

like its long-suffering occupants, but through

them it changed all the same.

Its walls had once absorbed laughter and light,

hummed with constant activity, whether

the busy, efficient steps of the servants or

the unhurried movements of the gentry.

For all except the queen the curse was instant,

one moment there, the next invisible and mute to all,

even themselves.

But not the castle, it still saw their flesh, heard their

wails of misery and disjointed speech, words

slurred or missing as the speaker heard nothing.

Some guests tore off their unseen clothes,

throwing them on the floor and willing them to

become visible. They raided wardrobes and redressed

in eye-catching fabric, moving limbs and

watching the movement of the cloth in mirrors.

They could almost imagine their bodies again.

Many -mostly the guests- left the castle,

muttering hopes of outdistancing the curse.

Some returned, months or years later,

while some stayed away, living ghosts in the outside world.

The paper, books and ink were used up quickly, every

inch crammed with pleas of communication, verification

that others existed. Wallpaper was stripped

off for portable messages. Written using small

sharpened twigs, with substitute ink ranging from

rotten food to their mistress’ blood-drool.

Objects like hairpins and cutlery, no longer needed,

were used to scrape and scar the castle walls,

Writing their name, family members, interests,

anything they could hold onto.

Others wrote theories and plans, elaborate creations

that would free them from this hell.

Those consumed with rage and hurt dominated

space with harsh words, accusations and imaginative

death fantasies towards the cursed queen,

who read every single one.

Time did not touch the cursed, but it did affect the castle.

Tortured and mutilated with desperate messages,

even on its floors, ceilings and outer walls,

its stone and tiles began to corrode from the elements.

Scratchings of hate and hope faded, crumbled to the ground

and were forgotten under dirt.

Surviving windows were opaque with filth, those

broken filled naturally with vines, twisting

and sealing any light away.

Dust created a constant mist when

disturbed by aimless wandering.

Wooden doors, bannisters and chests were

eaten away inside, ready to collapse

under any pressure.

Once beautiful furniture, curtains, bedsheets and cutlery

lay in ruin, either from violence or nature’s influence.

No warmth could be sustained, even in summer.

A chill of defeat permanent and unrelenting.

Only two areas of the once glorious structure

were maintained and preserved by dedicated individuals.

The west wing was scrubbed clean,

linen and cloth stored safely away, doors and tiles

replaced and windows boarded up.

Any salvageable items were locked away and

guarded, even from the queen.

At times some would leave the castle for weeks

and return with supplies, new equipment.

Any means necessary to maintain what they could.

The second area was the courtyard and garden,

kept flourishing due to the groundskeeper, Jeremy.

He grew fruit and vegetables none of them needed to eat,

he trimmed plants and grass so it didn’t become

wild like the forest beyond.

And he loved his mistress, with all his heart,

strong enough, surely, to break any curse.

Handsome & the Hideous

VII

The castle, before the curse was a sight to behold,

a place of envy and wonder, gentry and dreams

always grand and gleaming, spotless and clean

with the finest bedding and cover, down to every last seam.

It started life as a present for a beloved daughter

to secure her happiness and future,

sixty thousand acres of land her father secured,

an attractive prospect for any suitor.

Work began the day she was born

and finished in her twentieth year,

she arrived, newly married to her beautiful home

where her children were born, their place in life clear.

A Germanic castle was its design

tall, beautiful with spires and wings,

a pure white brick and blue-grey tiles,

the perfect place to raise future kings.

Tragedy found their royal line

two generations later, an illness struck

killing the royal couple and his children,

so a distant cousin was found, who couldn’t believe his luck.

This widowed father planted trees on the ground

and opened the castle to guests

they offered entertainment, dancing and food,

and once it was over, a place to rest.

Many servants found work, praising their masters

taking pride in their task to serve,

by the time six generations has passed

the castle had respect, and a reputation that was well deserved.

Its success and loyalty attracted attention

of those who pursued the current single queen,

among those had been a sorcerer

whose lust for power and position was overly keen…