Scribbled Thoughts

Relax into guilt

but know

you’ll earn it

with ten days

of work

and the in-between

smoothing

and filling

in store.

Gaze at the small

that demands

devotion willingly

and without resentment.

Such happiness

is beautiful,

even when

it’s not

your own.

Train your brain

with the positive

because dark fog

is so constant

it’s boring,

for you

most of all.

Highlight warm seasons

you dread

with a better

mindset,

it may bring

a tiny miracle.

Measure as two or fourteen,

a life span

so different,

but the joy

you bring

and experience

is bigger

and more fulfilling

than those

who linger

too long

after you.

One year since

you died

before you even lived,

leaving my body

with my blood,

the only thing

I could give you.

But I wanted to offer

my everything.

Were you

my only chance?

Perhaps that’s how

it should be.

A life of mourning

my child

I never got to meet

but loved with

all I am

and more.

Dangerous indulgence

pushes back

months of work

and discipline.

Is it worth it?

Can you return

to the motivation

of being better

and improving?

Flesh

touches the firm

solid pressure

and is reassured

stability

is finally returning.

The smell of new

and the future

settles on the day

and you can smile again,

watching water

flow,

its temperature maxed

in a moment.

Shorts to sustain

an obsession

and a lifeline.

Feed my desperation

for distraction

by giving

five minutes of content

I can spend a month

rewatching

and reimagining.

Anything to stop

spiralling

dark thoughts.

Twelve years together

and nearly eleven

mourning you,

remembering

fond moments

and still calling

your name by accident.

It doesn’t hurt as much,

but I will

never forget you.

The muttered affection

of ‘Colonel Masters’

as you lift us up

into a moment

of connection

and joy.

Did you feel it too?