Update on poem videos
I haven’t had a chance to do any poetry videos/uploads for about a month due to awkward timing. I’m a person who can’t make a phone call if someone else is in the room or challenge a hard boss fight in games without feeling self-conscious or judged. The last month my husband (who works nights, I’m still on furlough) has been sleeping downstairs on the sofa bed because of the weather making it unbearable to sleep upstairs. This means I have to be really quiet because I still work/read/play downstairs while he sleeps. If I start talking to do a video he stirs. It put me off for a while, but now I’ll either try going upstairs or record them at night when he’s at work.
Hopefully I’ll get to the point I can record them with him in the room, we’ll see (he doesn’t really get poetry, lol, but he is my rock and I love him).
Some of the videos might be a bit dark because of this, but I hope it doesn’t bother you too much.
Prompt 387
‘You’ve definitely improved,’ I said, swallowing the slightly lumpy mash, ‘But I’m still better.’
A stunned silence followed. She looked at me, the smile morphing into confusion, then deep hurt.
Oh God, why would I say that?
‘Oh, okay,’ She shook her head and put on a shaky smile, ‘I mean, I don’t mind some constructive criticism, but that was a crappy way of putting it.’
I nodded, surprised at her language.
Fix this, I begged myself.
‘You never mince your words with me,’ I hear myself saying, ‘So why do I need to with you?’
This time a bitter smile settled on her face as she slowly rose from her chair.
‘Really?’ She pointed at the mantlepiece, where my self-portrait hung. ‘If I didn’t mince my words, I’d tell you I fantasize about burning that abomination every time I look at it. Who even hangs a portrait of themselves anyway? I live here too, where’s my place on the mantlepiece?’
She stomped her foot –stomped her foot– and left the room, face full of fury.
I stuttered to myself for a few minutes, looking down at the lumpy mash to try find answers.
What on Earth is going on?
‘What’s wrong with my portrait?’ I bellowed, standing to follow her out the room.
Watching from her realm, Chiqap giggled and settled down to watch the show. There was going to be a lot of break-ups and files for divorce before the twenty-four hours were up.
Poem idea
20:111
Body ripped apart
and painted between
layers on the doorway.
Nothing more than
an annoyance that
will soon be forgotten,
as your immortalised
corpse watches life
pass through day
after day,
after day…
Poem idea
20:110
Tip toe as you sleep,
breathe quietly, pretend
not to exist.
Perhaps you no longer
do outside this house,
in a new purgatory
called furlough.
Do you want to leave it?
Back to a job of bitchy
comments and demands?
No, but do I have a
purpose here? Or have
I already been forgotten.
Was I ever needed
at all?
Tip toe as you sleep,
and slowly fade
out of existence.
It’s what the world
wants anyway.
Poem idea
20:109
The world has begun
to move again,
with covered faces
and scowling, judgemental
stares. Why are
you still stationary?
Why doesn’t the world
want you back?
Stir crazy in your cave,
but comfortable with
your expanding form,
as you grow to hate
the world,
and yourself.
Poem idea
20:108
Content smile at
the sound of your snores,
losing time as I
gaze at your sleeping face.
My chest so full of
warmth that you
exist for me, with
a small flutter of
fear at the thought
of our mortal status.
Capture these moments
with a sneaky snap
on my mobile, so
I can gaze even
when you’re not
here. Until the
moment we’re together
again, I’ll replay
and remember.
Poem idea
20:107
I don’t know why these
thoughts cross my mind,
especially in my happy life,
but they do.
I imagine drinking bleach,
or spraying bug killer
down my throat,
and my husband coming
home to find my corpse.
A life he loves more than
his own gone before him.
Or do I flatter myself
too much?
These dark thoughts
last only a moment
as I shake my head
and continue to bleach
the sink, kill
the flies.
Why such dark tests
of love spring to mind
instead of the
everyday proof
I already receive?
Poem idea
20:106
The empty right-side
of the bed has been
piled with books, devices,
creams and stuffed toys.
Anything to distract from
the absence of the man
who should be occupying it.
Does it work?
No.
None of these things
breathe the way
he does.
Poem idea
20:105
War between relief and anxiety
at my reprieve from adult work.
Relief for the break, the breather,
the chance to rest and catch up
on activities that soothe my soul…
Anxiety that, in the end,
they’ll realise I’m not needed,
and my world will be taken
away and cast into a
void I can never
crawl out of.