Scribbled Thoughts

The process of preparation,

skip some stages

because another will remember,

because they have to,

because relying on another

never works

and only takes up

previous time

you can never get back.

Follow the steps

for a thrill of satisfaction,

achieving a moment

of clarification,

verification

before the next list begins,

returning to a purgatory

of achievement

until all is complete.

Rush for time

which never changes,

only the exertion

and expectation

to move

and fill

but enjoy

and never admit

we need the moment

to stop.

Build a family

but destroy another,

tearing down manipulation

and cementing acceptance

with love,

trust,

devotion.

Feel the rhythm break

and all security fade,

a safety net you were never aware of

gone for good

with only emptiness left,

nothing will come

to fill it,

good or bad.

Devote my life

to a passion not mine

and feel them

drain more and more away.

No more.

Watch them flinch

while I reveal

hidden depths,

scaring all around,

even myself,

but finally feeling

like my true self

is ready to

say hello,

to take on

the world.

One moment

to change their lives,

upheaving everything

and beginning a new challenge,

feeling unique pain

never imagined

but enduring

and hoping

something amazing

may be waiting

at the end.

Test a wish

and see if it fits,

if you dare dream that big

or if settling for the realistic

is the happier route for you.

Ignore the obvious problem

until another arrives

to shoulder it,

side-eyed glances

to see if they’ve noticed

and feign ignorance

when asked,

week after week.

Will the guilt ever win out?

Or will this dance continue

until the inevitable

explosion.