Scribbled Thoughts

Catch up in pages,

bury the hours with words.

Hatch secret plans

and tap them into fruition,

hoping the time put in

is worth it.

Lazy days with purpose

refuel your soul

and resist dark thoughts

about the future.

Nothing has been written yet.

Aftertaste of hesitation, regret,

yet denial makes you

take another bite,

mask it with a swig,

smile through the sensation.

By the time you admit your mistake

and bin what remains

your mouth is haunted,

your stomach a nervous enemy.

All because you wanted

to save money.

Weeks of preparation,

gathering, crafting,

slowly forging components

to begin the bigger project.

The satisfaction, relief as

the final piece begins.

Only time will tell

whether it was worth it.

The sight of a hollow man

turns everything in your world,

the empty space within

confirming the imitation of emotions.

Was any of it real?

Or is it just a warning

of what the future holds

and how big

the hole will grow.

Everything is wrong today,

small victories

brought down with

muddled emotions,

irritations escalated

into migraines,

failures pronouncing

the end of the world.

Perhaps tomorrow

will be better.

Proof has arrived,

you can breathe again

knowing you are still worth something,

have the chance

to create another.

Prepare your nest

and anticipate the making,

have some fun

for a change.

Adjust your body

and suffer its shocked response.

Resist cravings, comforts

and harden your resolve

to succeed this time,

to stay strong

and transform yourself

into the vessel you need

to really be yourself

at last.

Phantom pain for

an imaginary future,

painted and framed

before the first step

is complete.

Watch it fall and crash

to the floor

when the truth is

revealed as a fantasy

you were too late

to grasp.

Bleed to feel complete,

worthy,

a clear red sign of life

and life-giving

so you can breathe

and hope again.

Wait and see,

wait to live.