Scribbled Thoughts

Dump ingredients of chaos

in a bowl and watch

it spin into one lump,

hiding secrets

and temptations

unnoticed until they rise

and stand tall

for all the world

to see.

Send out the notices of

disruption, predict the frustration,

but forewarned is better

than blindness.

Walk the road of closure

and see it still open,

cars zooming past

as you walk,

irritation growing with

each step.

A hedgehog scurries across,

the first to be seen in years,

and makes the lies

all worth it.

The looming throb of defeat

pulses like a clock’s doom,

circling nearer

and wrapping around your will

until a heavy sigh

signals the end

and you relinquish

into submission.

Shrinking presence of people

that were relied upon,

dependant,

willing to help when your world

heated up and closed in,

suffocating you

and squashing your breath away.

Now they tell you

to move anyway,

breathe through a straw

and carry on.

No one is coming anymore.

One day of freedom

you achieved,

slipping from our grasp

to taste real life.

We remained here,

bitter,

failing to perform

what we expect from you,

leaving untainted products

to harden and resent,

failing to prep

anything that would make

your return easier.

How dare you try

to escape,

there is no escape.

Holding on

to the belief,

the need,

to be better,

hoping you are a good person

in your core

and that your hesitation to help

is from fear

rather than selfish preservation.

But either way

you fail to help,

so what does it matter

that you feel bad,

they are still dead.

Little glimpse into your

movements to quell

the mystery

of your life without

my presence.

Would they be the same

if I did not exist

in your world?

Have I shaped you

as a person

or squashed you

into submission?

What about me?

Was I always

meant to be this?

Trick of affection,

trick for attention.

Trick of reminder,

trick for confiner.

Sweet nectar

that helps deny sleep,

something that should be avoided

-listen to your body!-

but one you need

to earn the right to breathe,

afford the right to exist.