Scribbled Thoughts

22:35

Handsome & the Hideous

XII

The anguish cry was beyond grief and pain,

a sound that signalled the end of all hope.

Jeremy sprinted into the west wing for the first

and last time, the confining castle walls

reverberating with the long, sorrowful howl.

The bedroom door was open, frantic phantoms

pouring in, desperate to save their last chance,

trying to revive a dead man, pressing down

on his chest or dribbling liquid through his slack lips.

Others came with weapons.

Knives, fire pokers, wooden planks, shovels and hammers,

ready to attack the creature who’d failed them.

Suddenly the noise stopped, and the world

fell into stillness, silent and untouchable.

Jeremy felt the dream of flesh disappear,

the human world beyond the bubble they could

never pop. A love he could never claim.

The suspended moment snapped into violence.

Deadly objects plunged towards the mistress’s

monstrous body. Some turned on Handsome’s corpse,

stabbing in rage or beating with bare fists,

lost hope fuelling the desire for desperate

release of…anything!

Like an infectious wave Jeremy saw it

consume her. She wrenched off her gloves,

backhanding a few invisible foes in the process.

She dug her claws through the fabric of her dress,

ripping a giant opening from which her shamed body

emerged. A different howl escaped her,

angry and wild. Huge hands targeted the wall,

nails digging in deep and cracking stone.

She kicked at the bed, wood splintering,

her eyes were savage as they rested on

Handsome’s still form.

Jeremy retreated from the room, knowing

he could no longer reach her.

There was no saving the west wing

from the household’s chaotic grief.

Two days of blind destruction left little intact.

Even Jeremy’s garden did not survive.

He had anticipated the ruin and saved

The edelweiss, storing them in portable pots

and hiding them in his underground shelter.

He remained there, patient, until he heard

a sorrowful howl and the smell of burning.

He left his sanctuary, emerging into an area

once covered in flowers but now scattered with their remains.

It was night, the moon was full, but flames

from the castle tinged the view with smoke.

The whole building was burning, and his mistress

was by his hiding spot’s entrance, entranced by the

silver globe and howling, hoping one last time.

He presented a precious edelweiss to her,

the heartbroken noise fading out as she noticed.

‘I’m glad I found you here,’ she spoke, voice weary,

as though even words were too hard now.

‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t break the curse.’

Jeremy tried placing the edelweiss in one of her hands,

and noticed the knife she held.

‘Please,’ she begged now, her gaze finding

his invisible one, still seeing him, like always.

‘Please save me.’

Like everyone else, he knew the curse by heart,

‘Only by one who truly loves you can a fatal wound be dealt.’

He gently took the offered knife

and watched her melt to the ground,

gaze never leaving his, gripping his edelweiss.

‘I love you, always,’ he said.

The response in her eyes made it possible

to believe she’d heard him.

He was still saying it, sobbing,

as he forced the dagger into her heart.

A ragged breath left her,

a relieved smile softening her face.

He held her large body as best as he could

as the light faded from her eyes.

She didn’t change back into who she once was,

he preferred it that way.

He didn’t want to hold a dead stranger.

He widened the opening to his shelter,

dragging her body inside, so no one could harm it.

He knew they’d felt her death,

they’d all felt the moment their

half-existence became permanently,

all hope of breaking the curse dead with her.

But he’d do it again, always, to free her.

Outside their haven the world continued to burn,

the castle a smouldering ruin,

his garden a trampled dream.

The forest was aglow, ghostly apparitions

sparking flames as they left forever.

There was no reason to stay any longer.

When Jeremy emerged there was nothing left.

He spent years, lifetimes, finding materials

to build his mistress a worthy, final resting place.

A tomb fit for a queen, with only

an edelweiss carving engraved on its surface.

Some say he remains there,

the tomb surrounded by a wondrous garden.

Some hope he left, and found some peace

by viewing human life around him.

As for the others…

When a bump in the night scares you,

or a shiver runs down your spine,

when the stirrings of ghosts surround you

recognise this as a sign.

They came from the land of dead whispers.

They are felt but are unseen.

Their curse can never be broken,

because they failed their queen.

22:34

Handsome & the Hideous

XI

The queen embraced her name as Rose,

longing for Handsome’s love,

but acts of sexual desire

proved not to be enough.

He no longer flinched at her looks

and enjoyed her company,

but if she asked whether he loved her

he’d answer reluctantly:

‘I could lie to spare your feelings

but it wouldn’t set you free,

if death wasn’t waiting for me

this place I’d happily flee.’

She believed his words with all her heart

but would not start to mope,

to save her people from this life

he was her only hope.

As time moved on her focus slipped,

with each laugh, with each meal.

The longer she stayed by his side

her feelings grew more real.

Still, he never uttered the words

that would release their curse.

In fifty years his health declined

and steadily grew worse.

Rose refused to leave his side

when he began to fade,

in pain, he smiled and confessed to her

how glad he was he stayed.

His breath grew laboured, he could not eat,

his time was short, they knew.

His gaze met hers, resigned with peace,

he said, ‘Rose, I-’

And then he died.

22:33

Handsome & the Hideous

X

She’d tossed the hat and veil aside,

refusing to hide any longer.

All was laid bare now, so suffering

endless itching was a pointless torment.

She kept the dress and gloves on,

feeling long-forgotten bashfulness

and shame at her previous state of undress.

Despite Handsome’s reaction, she was hopeful

when he ran to the west wing instead of the forest,

where he’d risk death to leave.

She exited the hall to head outside,

but it was not the moon who called her tonight.

The last few weeks had restored

some human insight and she longed

to be near her faithful companion.

To confess, before she severed their connection.

Jeremy was not tending to his plants.

A panic gripped the queen,

a hole opening in her heart.

A desperate, agonised howl escaped,

startling any half-life servants nearby.

A hatch door opened in the earth,

hidden amongst the rose garden,

and she calmed as a bouquet of

tulips and edelweiss rushed towards her.

Hopeless love. Eternal love.

‘I’m sorry I never acknowledged your feelings before,’

she choked out, taking the flowers,

‘and now he is here, I never can.

But I love-loved you, and I will set you free.

I will break this curse.’

She was patient, animal instincts quelled

as purpose resurfaced her human rationality.

She gave Handsome a week,

letting the servants serve his food in

the safety of the west wing,

before she renewed the dinner dates.

They moved to a drawing room

once used for post-supper drinks

and the puffing of cigars.

Handsome appreciated both, his daily

intake of alcohol a need she tried to ignore,

the burn of tar his new signature scent.

Her throne was discarded as she crammed

into a chair his size, willing away discomfort.

She ate food that she did not taste

and averted her gaze to avoid staring.

‘I can’t leave,’ Handsome slurred,

‘I’m a criminal and will be hanged.

But I can’t love you either, it’s impossible.’

He stared at her as he spoke,

flinching at her looks, but still looking.

‘Then let’s be friends,’ she said, calm,

undeterred by his answer.

She had his whole lifetime to change his mind.

Daylight did not deter them any longer,

taking regular strolls outside,

Handsome unseeing while she always

searched for another.

‘You like flowers, don’t you?’ Handsome observed

as she accepted a rose from an invisible hand.

‘Yes,’ she smiled, sharing a secret glance with Jeremy.

‘I love them.’

‘Then that’s what I’ll call you,’ Handsome announced,

snatching the flower from her and holding it in the air.

She suppressed a snarl. ‘Rose.’

Naming her boosted his confidence,

like a master who’d tamed a difficult dog.

He talked of his past crimes with haughty gusto,

expecting no reprimand or even opinion.

She kept her thoughts quiet,

knowing a docile demeaner was what he desired.

As months passed, he talked more

of his female conquests, lust in his eyes

as he lingered on detailed carnal memories.

She saw him focusing on her breasts,

following her human curves.

His body betrayed his want,

too drunk to care how ugly she was.

She hesitated only a moment, thinking of Jeremy’s

faded but endless existence before she took

Handsome’s hands, placing them on her breasts.

His hunger erupted, squeezing, teasing,

and shoving her legs apart

to slake his needs and deflower a queen.

She had suffered a hideous punishment

by refusing the sorcerer,

now she threw away her dignity, willingly,

for a chance to end it.

22:32

Handsome & the Hideous

IX

He released the knife and jumped away,

eager to see her last breath.

Instead, she drew out the weapon

showing no signs of death.

She reached up and removed her veil,

revealing the face beneath,

she stabbed the knife into the table

and smiled to bare her teeth.

‘Will this quell your longing to slay me?

Will you accept your fate?

None can kill the beast of the castle

with a heart filled with such hate.’

‘But why won’t you die? What do you want?

What’s the point of this charade?

Will you keep me here forever

to have all your rules obeyed?’

The creature sat back on her throne

as Handsome fought his fright.

She closed her eyes, their lid flickering

and began to recite:

‘You will be visible and heard,

but long to be deceased.

Your beautiful form will melt away,

becoming a hideous beast.

‘Ages will pass, your kingdom will perish,

but wounds will not be felt.

Only by one who truly loves you

can a fatal wound be dealt.

‘To end this curse there is one way,

to escape your disgrace,

you must find one willing to say

I love you to your face.’

She opened her eyes, catching his gaze,

vulnerable to the core,

this terrified him more than her rage,

viewing emotions so raw.

‘You want me to fall in love with you

in order to set you free?’

He shook his head at her small nod

and turned his back to flee.

In his room he curled into himself,

the truth he could now conceive.

He was trapped, he could not kill her,

and he could never leave.

22:31

Handsome & the Hideous

VIII

The moonlight illuminated the glistening

water gushing from the fountain.

An opaque darkness announced a

waiting figure as Handsome drew near,

having circled the grounds to annoy his captures.

The ominous shape seemed familiar,

starring in jumbled memories from his arrival,

a hideous creature standing in the same spot.

He stopped at a safe distance,

realising the shadow was dressed like

a noble lady, her face hidden but

her clothes highlighting her feminine figure.

She stood stiffly, at attention,

enormous hands clasped before her.

Her nervous energy contradicted her presence

but he couldn’t force his legs to move forward.

‘H-hello,’ her rough, husky voice echoed

into the evening, ‘Welcome to my castle.’

He almost ran, but invisible hands pressed

against his back, preventing any retreat,

but not forcing him forward.

‘Thank you,’ he squeaked, stinging his pride

enough to clear his throat in annoyance.

‘This place saved my life.’

She shuffled, taking a step closer,

then retreated again and

lowered her hands to her side.

‘Would you care to join me for dinner?’

A path of candles decorated the floor

on either side of the entrance,

an illuminated labyrinth leading

into the vast dining hallway.

Shadows consumed the corners and walls,

keeping them secrets from Handsome’s sight.

Instead, they followed the path of fire

where wax leaked and pooled at their base,

creeping across the floor.

They walked over cracked marble, perfectly polished

but treacherous, with deep dents hiding in the

dim light, longing to trip them.

The clicking of the creature’s nails echoing at his side.

He focused ahead to distract his nerves.

Ancient candelabras sat at the centre of four tables.

The furniture was sturdy but bland,

more suited to inns or cheap taverns.

They were arranged in a line, each able to sit six people,

but still Handsome could not see the hall’s end.

The candle guides ended at the tables,

leaving only unknown tales beyond them.

One lit surface held fresh fruits and vegetables,

another cooked meat, the third sweet desserts.

The final was equipped with two sets of cutlery

and chairs placed opposite each other.

He recognised one from the village inn,

a ram’s head carved on top.

The other was a throne, large and imposing,

its frame stone, a little worn from age,

but its carvings of kings and queens still distinguishable.

The padded red velvet coating the back and seat

looked new, restoring an ancient item to respect.

The creature glided towards the throne,

her posture regal and confident,

slipping into her long-forgotten skin.

She didn’t eat, just sat in silence,

studying his every move.

Invisible hands brought him a range

of the food. It was delicious,

but he barely tasted it, too aware of

the predator sitting opposite, waiting.

They didn’t speak, that first time,

too tense and unsure of the other’s motive.

She seemed intent on keeping him here,

while he longed to kill her, and take all

that was hers as his own.

~*~

On the fifth night of tense dinner dates

Handsome could bear it no longer.

‘What is this place? What are you?’

He clutched the sharp cutlery in his hand,

waiting for the creature’s reaction.

There was a moment of shocked silence

before a chuckle rumbled from her throat.

‘I don’t remember the name of this castle,

or what people called me, except Queen.

I was human, I think, but cursed with this form,

while the others were made invisible,

unable to communicate, unable to die.’

He wanted to ask, ‘Can you die?’

but bit his tongue.

Since the new meal arrangements had begun

Handsome’s unseeable shadows had relaxed their restrictions.

He ventured into forgotten rooms,

uncovering more dust than answers.

Some sections were still decayed from time,

too dangerous to venture in, too dark to tempt him.

He never saw the creature outside the dining hall,

but sometimes felt hungry eyes following his movements.

He’d escape into the gardens, feeling others nearby

but able to ignore them.

For the next two weeks he stewed in indecision,

Longing to leave but knowing death would be waiting.

The obedient and silent servants pleased him,

so eager to satisfy his commands.

Would removing their mistress

make them loyal to him?

Every day a desire to take that risk grew.

That night while eating he insisted on

cutting the meat himself, snatching

the offered carving knife.

He kept it in his grip as he ate,

watching the creature as closely as

she watched him, calculating, searching.

‘Why do you never eat?’ he asked,

‘Isn’t the food to your liking?’

Her head dipped, staring down and he

sprang up, leaping on the table and

plunging the knife into her heart.

22:30

Handsome & the Hideous

VII

Handsome woke, confused and wary,

noting he was on a bed,

he glanced around and saw a table

which held on it soup and bread.

He devoured the offering,

hunger winning caution,

but then an unseen person entered

with another portion.

He remembered those in the forest

who’d forced him to come here,

he straightened up and stared ahead

refusing to show fear.

‘Thank you, kind ghost, for saving me.

I truly am grateful,

but I’d like to leave this room now

the surroundings aren’t fatal.’

As answer the door was closed and locked

but a tin bath was brought.

Handsome stripped and soaked off the forest

pleased with the cleanness it wrought.

They gave him garments a healthy green

soft, smart, a statement of hope.

It made him feel important,

not meant for the hangman’s rope.

Soon he was allowed to explore

but only the west wing.

This grew boring within a month

and he longed to see the spring.

His request was refused at first

too worried he would run,

so each day he feigned melancholy

and lamented for the sun.

Two escorted him outside

keeping him from the border.

He complied for now, but looked around

for signs of disorder.

He plucked flowers from their beds

then left them discarded,

an extra presence saved their corpses,

keeping the garden guarded.

Insistent tugs pulled at his clothes

to leave before sunset.

He resisted, and so it was

Handsome and Hideous met.

22:29

Handsome & the Hideous

VI

The hideous creature who’d once been queen

circled the castle grounds, her speed frantic,

her route wild. Invisible hands had

removed the human, his unconscious form

floating towards the west wing.

She did not follow.

She could sense her nightly shadow,

Jeremy, watching but she ignored him

as she switched between scared whimpers

and possessive, angry growls. ‘My land,’

she snarled and stopped to rub against a tree.

She wrapped one leg around the trunk,

releasing a trickle of urine down its bark.

A satisfied grunt left her as she pulled back

and sprinted to the next tree,

a clear goal driving back her panic.

Jeremy inched closer until she

spun and snapped her jaws in warning.

Distrust was her default.

She was surrounded by living ghosts,

who couldn’t experience or influence.

She was a creature-once-human

who no longer knew what normal interactions were.

How had she once sat in too large chairs

and talked about mundane topics,

while sipping tea and nibbling cake?

How did humans find the easy flow

of conversations and feel comfortable

in another’s presence?

Jeremy was only a half-presence,

a wisp of possibility she could acknowledge

or ignore when it suited.

This new visitor was different. He was hope,

despair. Immediate.

After hundreds of years of endless time,

waiting, the urgent pull to act

sent her spiralling into id behaviour.

Her scent-marking complete, she howled

at the moon, voice ululating and desperate.

At her feet Jeremy lay a red gladiolus.

Hope. Strength. Remembrance.

She stopped, gaze seeking his, meeting eyes

she could not see but felt and knew.

She reached out and locked him in a

desperate hug, a moment just their own

before everything changed forever.

The threatening presence of dawn

drove her inside, for the first time

she sensed Jeremy follow.

The west wing’s entrance was

barred with a locked door.

It opened a fraction, a neat pile of clothes

slipping through and waiting mid-air.

She did not move but felt Jeremy

drift from her side to accept it.

He unfolded the bundle before her,

revealing a deep purple dress,

silky, smooth and shimmering in the dim light.

It was long enough to hide her legs and feet,

but would cling to highlight her breasts.

A wide-brimmed hat the same regal shade

had a veil attached, ready to conceal her face.

Thick purple gloves with a blue vine patterning

were enforced with extra padding,

to hide and contain her claws.

She hesitated, forcing her growl into a more

human sigh, then reached out to take them. 

22:27

Handsome & the Hideous

IV

There was no path, all was overgrown,

wild, unforgiving. Bushes and branches

fought against him, ripping his clothes,

his skin, his hope. His blood

soaked into the ground, feeding the dark forest.

The atmosphere was heavy with eager panting,

haunting his steps and forcing him onwards.

He heard the snap of jaws, the whip

of air near his legs from a near-miss.

Panic pushed him on, fast but clumsy choices

leading to a gaping gash down his right arm as

he wrenched his trapped limb from the

entangled growth’s grasp.

A hungry snarl stalked his steps,

bolder with each stumble. What little light

the moon had cast was drowned

from view. All sense of direction was lost.

A distant, monstrous howl

tore into him as his legs buckled.

He dreaded ever meeting

whatever creature had produced it.

A swell in his chest made him gasp,

barely noticing the lack of teeth

on his body. Whimpering?

He smiled, laughed heartily,

before sucking in a huge breath and

howling for his life.

~ * ~

Two were close to the struggle,

monitoring the forest to keep the wolf

population in check. Many servants

had chosen this role, but its vast

expanse forced them into small groups.

Within the west wing were carefully kept

pages, detailing a basic sound-language.

The lucky ones had a whistle or small instrument

gained from looting villages.

The rest used sturdy sticks, doubling as weapons.

Four short thumps echoed against a tree,

then quick footsteps followed the human howl

and struck at the wolf pack surrounding him.

The first to land a kill was the man,

who’d long forgotten his name. Instead

he referred to himself as Protector, a clear purpose.

The woman remembered she was Mary, once timid,

shy, longing to be invisible…the irony.

Now she was bold, strong enough to crack

a wolf’s skull with a swinging branch.

Four wolves soon lay dead, and the rest fled.

The human sprang to his feet,

pushing forward through the compact

bushes and trees ahead, blind to direction.

Protector banged two quick thuds, Follow,

before shoving past the human to

begin clearing a path.

At first handsome panicked, feeling

a presence he couldn’t see and shrubbery

parting before him. He tried diving

in a different direction, but felt a hand

tugging at his clothes, steering

him back to their preferred route.

Exhaustion won and he fell compliant,

following his invisible saviours

deeper into the darkness. 

They stumbled on this way for a

day and night, able to view the passing

time by the small amount of sunlight

breaking through the trees.

When handsome stopped to rest

Mary dropped berries beside him,

knowing the edible ones from years

of observing the wildlife.

He was wary, but accepted the offerings,

having no other option for survival.

‘What are you? Where are you taking me?’

The closer they ventured to the castle

the more Mary’s hope began to grow.

Would the curse finally be broken? Long ago,

she had stabbed herself through the heart,

but time did not acknowledge the wound.

If she were freed, she’d welcome death,

for how would she remember what

being human meant?

The trees became more evenly spaced apart

a few miles from their destination.

Handsome could see the structure now

and ploughed ahead, overtaking Protector.

The two servants noted the waking moon

and grew uneasy as Handsome

broke through the forest’s cover. The teasing sound

of trickling water tempted his parched throat,

his legs leading him to its source,

a large fountain standing in the centre of the gardens.

She was there, waiting,

a fearful growl escaping her.

A new smell, an enemy?

They locked eyes, halting his progress,

and buried memories made her whimper.

She’d looked that beautiful once.

Handsome saw the monstrous shadow

skulking ahead, but couldn’t understand

how it was real. ‘Help me,’ he croaked,

too dizzy to be prideful, ‘I want to live.’

Then he dropped to the ground.