Scribbled Thoughts

Question my appearance

connected to memories

I still can’t reach.

Are they best left alone

while I stare at a stranger,

creating a new person

but still wondering

where they came from.

Leave the room

you trapped yourself in

to get stronger

and breathe freedom,

hoping you can now face

what’s to come.

Add three cages

to fit into

a filled space,

stuffing more in

and resenting the pressure,

too overwhelmed

to appreciate their usefulness

for the future.

Rearrange to the bottom

at my calling

and wait to see

if I return,

perhaps I’ll forget,

or maybe it was

never the plan

to begin with,

but I still asked it

of you.

Grip onto the making

and feel included,

even if you’re

really a hindrance.

It’s all perception

in the end.

Use my own skin

to rub away your layers,

peeling them to reveal

a trusting person,

a beautiful being,

while my own self

is exposed,

just as raw

and open for you

to understand.

Wake to empty

and panic it is lost

forever.

Scrambling to confirm

and too relieved

to be angry

when it returns,

but cling on

all the harder.

Nauseaus or exhausted,

too hard to tell

and too foolish

to stop hoping,

but dreading

a repeat tragedy

for either result.

Our corner of mayhem

for you to enter

and reset our rage

over and over,

earning what you need

and discarding our blood,

our reasons

for being here

are beyond

your thinking.

Prepare for

continued battle,

adjustments,

then breathe

deeper than you have

in three years

when contract is signed,

security secured,

and let the stress

melt away

from your future.