Scribbled Thoughts

Enticement of extra work

to refill depleted accounts,

but calculate the energy needed

and whether regret

will outweigh

the little relief

it will bring.

Not the sunset

but the dawn,

embrace the beginning

but thank the end,

facing the new

and treasuring the old.

Over a decade

under the earth,

bones smothered in dirt

and a soul faded to memory.

A lingering sadness

to mark the day

a life ended

and a hole opened

for the ones left behind.

Normal tasks

and normal interactions

overwhelming

with presence,

presence

pressing into you,

no room to breathe

or cry

or scream

or lay down

and wait to die.

Reset the counter

and discard the before,

ready to embrace change

but already falling

into familiar habits

that give you courage

of who you are

and what you’re willing

to be.

The end total

to represent a year

of trying,

of believing routine

will create imagination

and spark

a long lost desire

to write their story,

their words,

their everything.

Has it been achieved?

The question is still unanswered,

but at least

it’s not a resounding

no.

Hoard the rare

but watch

the one you share it with

freely give it away,

ignoring the pain endured

to achieve it,

yet expecting you

to repeat the process

over and over

while they benefit

from other people’s gratitude.

Built in expectations

drive you to perfection,

hard work done

but already mess has appeared,

ignored by others

who deem it beneath them,

only noticing for annoyance

you have yet to

expel their imperfections.

Frustrate to cleanliness,

scrub and scrub

as resentment simmers ,

anger filling the space

while everything else

becomes more beautiful,

you are left with perfection

but only have tired defeat

as a reward.

A few days of indulgence,

relaxing,

forgetting,

ends with renewed chaos

for consuming,

owning,

filling a hole

someone might notice

if you stop

for a moment more.