Scribbled Thoughts

Wake to confusion

and foggy brain,

wondering why relaxing

seems to feel so hard

and crying as easy

as breathing.

Tomorrow is impossible,

but today was

even worse.

The little gestures

of extra care,

showing devotion and love

to you above all others

begin to slip,

disappearing with promises

they will return,

but your heart has expanded

to include another

and can’t fit in everything.

What else will be pushed out

to make room?

Which one will be left behind?

Express pretend acknowledgement,

respect,

and promise what they want

before dragging out excuses

and feigning ignorance

until they give up

and accept themselves as less

than what they’re worth.

Lazy play,

going through the motions

even though everyone knows

you’re not really trying,

yet you’re still shocked

when they stop responding

and decide life

shouldn’t be wasted

on those who disrespect

their time.

Hidden  pain

finally revealed

through all the changes,

goodbyes and hellos,

priorities shifting

to a world you don’t know.

Fight your bodies will

to shut down

and stay with us

always.

Turn off permissions

so your location is a secret

and the world cannot find you,

or so you hope.

Maybe you can find

what you yourself lost,

yourself.

Simpler presence,

warm and near,

demanding you reform

for their needs,

but they will love you

with everything they have

with more than you’ll

ever deserve.

Day of quiet respite

to relax with a watching eye,

never fully at ease

but able to sit

and waste hours

achieving little satisfactions.

Hopefully it will mean something

one day.

Move your existence

out of sight,

don’t trouble others

by making them go around.

Hide and pretend

you never were

until it becomes true,

then watch and see

what little difference

you actually made.

Stamp your concern

to earn your good deed

while missing the crucial

moment when those before you

crumble with defeat,

realising you’ll never hear them

and they can

never stop.