Handsome & the Dog (incomplete poem)

She refused to marry the sorcerer

and so he cursed her household.

Time couldn’t touch it, but

neither could they be seen, just

ghostly whispers haunting the

dark corridors.

She was transformed into a

beast, left for all visitors to see.

‘Until someone says they love you,

to that face, you will remain

ugly.’

Time passed, men came,

longing to woo the mysterious

woman under the cloak.

Her hospitality legendary,

allowing weary travellers

to enter, eat, sleep in

her house. Their every

desire is granted.

As host she was polite,

her conversation enticing, but

sweet. Her voice was deep,

husky, something they thought

they couldn’t resist.

During the night they would

come into her room, creep to

the end of the bed, then crawl

towards her, hands

clawing the thin covers back

to caress her legs.

Hairy legs.

Struck dumb, they would

squeak in surprise as her

deep voice rumbled,

‘Do you love me? Could you?’

They galloped away before

they ever saw her face.

This cycle continued

year after year, until

the beast stopped counting,

stopped hoping.

She grew used to talking

to invisible slaves, howling at

the moon, and even began

spraying the trees.

Her territory.

She had one tree wrapped around

a tree, the urine

trickling down her skin,

missing the bark.

Instructions for Rapunzel’s brothel (poem incomplete)

The instructions are simple,

she will be waiting in the tower,

grateful for the company (any

company), ready to give herself

to you.

Call to her from the bottom,

she will transform her maiden

hair into a ladder, for the

chance of ending her isolation.

That desperation will blind her

from the pain as you tug and

pull yourself up.

She’s a lady, so dandruff won’t

be an issue, but expect mild

complaints of migraines and faintness.

After all, her prince has

just arrived.

Compliment her looks, coo in

sympathy at her plight, then

offer bodily comfort.

She won’t resist for long, and

if she does, she never really means

no, why would she?

We assume you need no instructions

of what to do once her legs are open

to you. You are a man after all.

(Need more here)

Follow these instructions and

you are guaranteed a Princess Wife.

For only five years of blindness

you’ll be remembered as a hero,

the one who conquered the

tower.

The parents of Hansel and Gretel

The first time it happened

they were too shocked to react.

It must be grief, Gretel

thought, and decided it would

pass. Hansel hid the dress,

sold it at the market, even burnt it…

but a new one would always appear,

with the same plain blue colour

and shapeless figure.

She would return with it.

Face clean-shaven, short

hair just long enough for

a few teasing curls.

Blonde, of course.

Rouge deep lipstick applied, with

virgin preciseness,

eyes painted with charcoal.

The chest wasn’t padded,

that first time. Hairy arms

stood out against the delicate

material, sweated armpits

staining it a darker shade.

His bum looked fat in it.

‘Hello,’ she said, his deep

voice croaking out a high pitch,

‘I’m your new step-mother.’

She would appear every so often,

cook inevitable food, watch them

pick at it and yell,

‘If it’s not good enough,

leave! There’s barely enough

for us all to live on!’

He would emerge soon after,

flustered, apologetic for his

wife, but never contradicting.

It wasn’t his fault.

Hansel heard them arguing

one night, voice deep to shrill,

sometimes playing the wrong part.

‘They eat all the food, they must go!’

‘But they’re my children.’

‘No, they’re a burden, useless,

we must get rid of them.’

‘Yes, useless. Yes.’

Both saw them off, but only

the father took them into the

woods.

He was still wearing the dress.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, as he

left them to starve.

‘She made me.’

Of course, they thought,

now alone to die.

How can a father ever

grow to hate his children?

No, it was her fault;

the stepmother who

never really existed.

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started