Scribbled Thoughts

Week long absence

from comfort cuddles

and the reassuring familiar

to care for the vulnerable,

be responsible and forget

selfish needs.

Now you can indgulge once more

and appreciate the moments

that were overlooked

but expected.

A pending ticking

to return to normal

panics them into action,

restocking,

remembering

and plastering on a smile

of the sane,

ready to fool the world

once again.

Form a mantra of information,

searching for the person

they talk about,

the person that’s

supposed to be you.

Repeat the name,

mannerisms, preferences

until they mold

onto your skin

and walk in your body.

One day, hopefully,

it will stop feeling

loose enough

to fall off.

One day, surely,

you can stop reciting

and just live.

Dream from behind glass

of a world full of open,

no barriers to protect or restrict,

no one to decide for you

and no one to blame

if you fail.

Begin the excuse

before the action even exists,

covering all angles

of why moving is impossible,

why trying is beyond you,

why someone else

will just have to do it

even if time and energy is lacking,

they’ll do what you won’t.

Innocently unaware

of the trial filled with pain

waiting for you today,

testing a young soul

with its first incentive

to be brave

so that the happy life

you have known

will continue

and this memory

won’t darken your future.

False memories

make up your new image,

one you cling onto

to prevent

falling

into the abyss

of despair.

Recreate the person

through stored memories,

constructing them from others

and fooling yourself

it’s really them,

so you don’t have to face

the emptiness of loss

and the certainty

of end.

Assemble an appealing day

and watch a flock emerge

to admire your work,

eager to soak up another’s efforts

and benefit without the exertion.

Is the satisfaction

really the same?

Gaze upon the discarded

and wonder why it’s in sight,

why no one has whisked it away

to be forgotten

instead of becoming

your problem.