Scribbled Thoughts

Motivation evaporates

as good deeds are spat at,

the pain you work through mocked,

the proclaimed righteousness

gazing down at your efforts

until you give up

and stop getting out of bed,

you stop trying.

Spray the temperature,

let heat settle on your skin

and ease shocked muscles

into relaxing,

hoping it will also ease you

into sleep.

Hunched over,

unable to straighten,

pain slipping the memory from reach

and leaving you

bent and feeling

less than human.

Acute attention

to every sensation,

trying to predict

and manage expectation

but failing when

hope begins to bubble,

waiting for the inevitable

pop.

Pace the paving stones

and trace their imprint,

witnessing the years

of absolute presence,

unmoving

as they are pounded on,

rained on

yet overlooked

despite the foundation

they have given us all.

Trust in your goal

and lean on those nearby,

whether they believe

you’re ready or not

they have come

to help your journey,

so keep moving

and learn of what

comes next.

Snuggle closer

and feel resistance melt away

as the warmth of her tiny body

seeps into your heart,

postponing bedtime

to enjoy the quiet

and private moment

of truth and love.

Walk into silence,

so sudden and obvious,

and wonder why you bothered

trying to be civil

when the world

always rewards you

with doubt

and disappointment.

Inspect the non-urgent tasks

to avoid helping where needed,

a level of petty

beyond sense

that you just

shake your head

and carry on,

no longer caring

how they perceive you.

You know you’re

worth more.

Distract with delights

so fear disappears

until it’s so close

you can’t escape

and you have a choice

of fighting

or running

and growing more afraid.