Scribbled Thoughts

Hang me on a tree,

dangle away my life

and watch as my very self

leaves my body, giving you

an empty vessel you

can pretend to mourn.

Build a grave for what remains

and waste time visiting,

wishing, dreaming

things had been different.

Waking to an air

so thick breathing

is a new challenge,

conscious and hard.

Rise to a day so warm

and bright energy is sapped

until a light breeze rejuvenates

and reminds you of a new beginning

for the one most dear to you.

He’s been awake for hours

due to heat and excitement,

his somber attitude of the past months

gone now he is free to start anew,

to forge ahead,

to create again.

You watch him leave smiling,

full of love,

and swear to be as equally motivated

to make him proud.

Tainted with chalk,

a giant circle on its side

a target for abuse,

over and over.

Defend your home

and pay the price,

be the bad guy

of the street

because you have boundaries,

because you don’t want

random children in your back garden

and drawing on your car,

crashing into your garage door

and stealing from your drive.

I am the monster?

Fine. Stay away

or I will attack.

Unexpected meeting

in the twilight hour

when your brain

is too tired to be happy

and so settles on annoyance

at the broken routine.

A moment that should be cherished

is overlooked,

and you hope life won’t

have you regret it

forever.

Block my garbage path

and force the stink and decay

to remain exposed on the street

for all to gaze at and judge.

Superior glances look at their own

concealed filth,

never considering that the kinder route

of helping,

or even ignoring,

is open to them.

You try to stay casual,

calm your heart,

convince your mind

it’s just an ordinary meeting

with people you’ve met before.

A catch-up, not an enquiry.

You begin to conjure

cruel aspects of personalities

you’ve never witnessed before,

catastrophising conversations

that will happen

until you end up outcast

and alone.

A few hours later

you laugh at yourself,

relieved that all had gone well

and annoyed that

you worried yourself for nothing,

like usual.

We can, if you want,

exonerating me of all guilt

and pushing the consequences

onto you,

but letting me share in the benefits.

If you want,

the three words

that used to feel considerate,

but now irritate

and put you on the offensive

to defend your right

not to always

be the one

with the responsibilities.

Run, skip, swim

life waster

fill the days with sweat

to feel accomplished.

Select challenges for causes

you don’t even register,

all for selfish reasons

to motivate yourself.

Perhaps other people’s suffering

will penetrate your conscience

once you reach your

petty ambition.

You’re bad for me,

but I’m stuck in my habits

and the journal isn’t helping

to break you.

Get into a routine, it advises

and stay away from temptation.

But you’re always there

and nothing helps

me to ignore you.

You know me,

You bring me to life

and no new hobby

will be enough

to reform my very self.