Scribbled Thoughts

Eyes of annoyance

judge you,

consider your worth

beneath their own

and squint at your audacity

to force them

to accept the tube.

You try not to laugh,

still too happy

they are here to be difficult

to feel even a little annoyed

at their stubbornness.

(One of our rabbits had to have surgery to get a tumour removed. It went really well and now she’s home recovering but being very stubborn).

Leaving you

for life-saving benefits

or your death warrant,

no in-between.

Ignoring notifications

of the outcome

in order to get through

what I need to do.

Suspend your fate

until I’m in a position

to fully react.

Prepare barriers

just in case,

while feeling guilty

you expect to need them.

Perhaps this time tomorrow

you’ll be laughing with relief

instead of watching

the smash of your defences

and the aftermath

that follows.

Vibration of breath

shocks the echo

into action,

the sudden jolt of movement

painful and confusing,

forgotten muscles

forced together again

for another desperate moment

of life.

Mark my flesh

for all to see,

a sign of possession,

or just a by-product

of a moment together.

Either way

my reaction is a knowing smirk,

my step a little lighter

as I continue my day,

watching people’s

second glance.

Count the silence

of morning

as a private secret

between the house

and time you have

stumbled into.

Hold your breath

to hear the murmur

of a knowledge

you don’t understand,

can’t comprehend,

but find comfort

to settle in

and pretend you

are the centre of.

For just a moment

you are everything.

Hire a comfort bot

to occupy their needs

so you can slip away

to other tasks,

other adventures,

and begin to forget

the ones who still need you,

who still wait

for a moment of contentment

that re-centers their world.

Calculate to work out

a living,

understand consequences

of indulgence

and dream of future luxuries.

Scrabble for extra work

you’re too exhausted for,

but ignore aches

and keep imagining

a brief time

you can leave it all behind

if you just keep going.

Enter the space

but continue your life,

not noticing those already there,

waiting to be acknowledged

and panicking they are invisible.

Only when they give up

do you turn to greet them.

The smallest is the heaviest,

forcing its way through

to the bottom

and exposing larger problems

to the surface,

bouncing them up

until they overflow

and end your

successful streak.